Why don’t you dress completely in yellow? All shades of yellow, from dandelion to buttercream. I look amazing in yellow, so I can only assume the rest of the public will look as ravishing in this exquisite color. Go out and buy yellow shoes and pants and shirts and underwear — I need to buy yellow underwear. I’ve got the rest. [UPDATE: I ordered yellow underwear. We can all relax.]
Why don’t you sneak into a national park while the government is shut down? Be respectful while you’re there, of course, and don’t litter because that makes you an asshat. But, take delight in picnicking somewhere you shouldn’t be. If you don’t have a national park near you, a state park will work just as well, or even a city park. What I’m saying is, why don’t you go on a picnic?
Why don’t you start collecting antique maps to use as wallpaper for your stairwell? This will take considerable time to acquire the great number you’ll need, but just think how thrilling it’ll be each day to walk down the steps past all of these gorgeous maps filled with exotic places.
Why don’t you go try out an ethnic restaurant in town you’ve always been scared of?Who knows what kind of food they serve in an Iranian place, but how will you ever know if you don’t go? Try Indian and Vietnamese and Thai and a British pub and Italian and French bistro and that Lebanese place that makes those divine falafel.
Why don’t you make a list of all your past New Year’s resolutions and muse over your failings? This need not be depressing. Perhaps you have accomplished something? And if not, this may inspire you to do something to better yourself. I hope your resolution was something unique, like learning to fly a plane and not something common like losing ten pounds.