In 1989, beneath a Leo heaven, I was born in Des Moines, Iowa. Not exactly a thrilling start to what I hope will be an interesting life. I’ve always believed that my birth certificate was forged and that I was actually born to aristocratic parents in a much warmer climate like Florida — or Guatemala. Had I truly been born in Guatemala, I would have been born under the Mayan astrological sign Taj, but I find both these star signs very fitting, so that proves nothing to further my belief that I’m a forgotten prince.
After high school, I moved to Paris to study baking at Le Cordon Blue, mainly because I could think of nothing else to do with myself. I could have gone to a traditional school, but I’d have rather jumped off a bridge. A chic bridge, mind you, wearing a designer suit. I’ve never been interested in formal education and think of it as a slave ship dragging me to the new world in chains. [Holla at the French & Saunders reference!] I’ve loved France for years and have had the chance to visit more than most peasants, so I consider myself lucky. I constantly yearn to be back along the rues and quays with the fashionable people, the excellent pastries, and the content feeling I get when I’m in Paris. Paris is truly my hometown, even if that isn’t true.
If I’m not baking, napping, redesigning a room, complaining, or working (alarmingly at the same middle school I went to and thought I’d never have to see again — I was good at school, 4.0 GPA and all, but I was not amused that I had to go), I like to write. I don’t have any publication credits to my name, but I am attempting to change this as I type. I finished a novel I’m very proud of entitled Terrible Miss Margo, and maybe you’ll be able to buy it someday. A boy can dream. I’m working on another, too, a tragic love story. I also enjoy fashion, photography, anything that has anything to do with Joan Crawford, travel, reading, drinking espresso, fine dining, ignoring my garden, amateur Egyptology, and laying in the sun. I need a job where those are all tied together. Any ideas?
Aside from being a celebrity (for any reason), my life goals are: 1) befriend Martha Stewart, 2) visit the Barilla pasta factory in Ames, 3) restore a crumbling brick manor, 4) live in Paris full time, and 5) have abs.
Hopefully when I’m old and decrepit (which will not be obvious thanks to plastic surgery), I hope I will have led a fascinating life worthy of the autobiography I intend to write.
Enjoy the website, you’re very attractive. Yes, you!
You’re cute. You look like you’re about to poop your pants in the last photo lol.
You figured out my secret.