50 Facts About MOI

Jumping

When I was in school, we read Le Petit Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, which I found utterly ridiculous at the time. I was taking it far too seriously to be amused by the fantastical whimsy of the story, but I was rather taken by the prince saying we don’t ask important questions, such as, “What is your favorite color?” He was quite right. It’s little factoids about ourselves that define who we are. So, since I’m sure you’re gasping to know more about me, here are fifty facts that I just thought up. Amuses-toi bien! (We can tutoyer each other, yes?)

  1. I was told I look like a young Yves Saint-Laurent at a dinner party I catered.
  2. I think the Metric system is vastly superior to the nonsense we insist on using here.
  3. I will only drink tap water to prove an ecological point. Four to five liters of it a day.
  4. I am terrified of guns and think they should all be melted down and turned into charming statues for public squares and parks and such.
  5. I think caramel is repulsive.
  6. I think cinnamon is offensive.
  7. I feel (read: know) that I make the best macarons in America.
  8. I once spent the entire day in Earlam, Iowa, searching for Johnny Depp who was rumored to be there filming for a movie. The rumor was false.
  9. I once practiced to be a contortionist.
  10. I have a dream of releasing an auto-tuned pop album.
  11. Irises are my favorite flowers.
  12. I’m a vegetarian.
  13. I was once mistaken for Austin Scarlett of Project Runway fame. That was back when I had blonde hair.
  14. Years ago, I was mistaken for a Swedish pop star in Minnesota Target. I’ve forgotten the name of said star and I kick myself regularly for it.
  15. I’m convinced I had a past life inside of Westminster Abbey.
  16. I think it’s criminal to wake before nine o’clock.
  17. I have mingled with celebrities and aristocrats in Paris.
  18. I speak French.
  19. I spent an evening in London waiting for Eddie Izzard with the woman who voices Piglet in Germany.
  20. Sylvia Browne has answered one of my questions.
  21. I’m an award winning photographer.
  22. I routinely weep over my lack of Saint Laurent boots.
  23. I’m deathly afraid of spiders.
  24. I once wrote a book about a talking squirrel that releases Michael Jackson from prison.
  25. I can play the piano, but I’ve never been passionate enough to play it well.
  26. I was once seriously considered for a cycle of America’s Next Top Model.
  27. I was lost in London after a potential terrorist attack. I wasn’t that bothered, though, since I found a pasty shop and the British Museum. Good afternoon, actually.
  28. My favorite film is Light in the Piazza.
  29. I’ve been to every standalone Chanel shop in Paris.
  30. Speaking of Chanel, I was allowed access to the famed mirrored staircase by a kindly shop assistant where Coco used to watch what was happening and where Karl is often photographed. One of my favorite memories.
  31. The children I work with are convinced that Michael Phelps is my cousin and that I used to be his personal trainer.
  32. My favorite book is Gone With The Wind, with The Historian a close second.
  33. I used to be obese.
  34. I was about to buy a gorgeous, crumbling brick townhouse when an awful woman swooped down with a lowball offer and stole it from me. I WILL NEVER FORGET OR FORGIVE!
  35. I believe in the “man period.”
  36. I have multiple sclerosis.
  37. Casual clothes make me uncomfortable.
  38. I’ve tried, multiple times, to get a First Class upgrade when I fly, but have so far been thwarted in my efforts. (I capitalize FIRST CLASS because it’s just that classy. I envy those jerks up there with their champagne and legroom.)
  39. Joan Fontaine once bummed five bucks off of me.
  40. I once went to London for the sole (you’ll get it in a second!) purpose of buying a pair of shoes.
  41. I want a lion. I shall name him Budapest.
  42. I’d like to be a restaurant critic.
  43. I have a goal of writing a series of blog posts about every Métro stop in Paris. I’d detail the train, the stop, and all the things you could do in the immediate vicinity of the exits. I’d read that.
  44. In my mind, Beyoncé and I are very close.
  45. I once made Amy Sedaris say, “HOBOCAMP.” BEST DAMN NIGHT OF MY LIFE.
  46. Gin and tonic is my drink of choice.
  47. I want a caprese salad right now.
  48. I spent the night in a house where five children where butchered by an ax murderer. Fun time.
  49. I need to meet Joanna Lumley before I die. Same goes for Martha Stewart and Karl Lagerfeld.
  50. I’m convinced I’ll be famous for something.

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