Monday:
Why don’t you keep a little box of raisins in your cupboard? These are most certainly not for eating because there is no reason that any human being should ever willingly consume a raisin. No, dear reader, these raisins should be on hand to resuscitate flat bottles of champagne. It’s strangely true, but if you pop a single raisin into the bottle you neglected after passing out watching Murder, She Wrote and living your best life, and let the raisin work its magic in there for half an hour, the champagne — using witchcraft, I assume — carbonates itself again. Don’t ask me to explain because I don’t fully understand. All I do understand was that my champagne was saved!

Tuesday:
Why don’t you brew your loose tea in a French press? Reader, this has changed me. I have transitioned away from bagged tea because I find the flavor tends to be insipid. Plus I adore the ritual of measuring out loose tea and brewing it and sipping it out of fine Royal Doulton china as if I am the grandson of Hyacinth Bucket. I tire of dregs, though, and when you brew loose tea in a teapot it gets bitter, and when you use a tea ball (lol ball!) the tea can’t blossom properly. So, tonight I tried steeping it in my French press and poured the brewed tea into my heated teapot and it was so good. No bits of tea, no bitter tea, just perfect mint tea. I’m delighted. What a time to be alive.

Wednesday:
Why don’t you put a bunch of documentaries on your Netflix queue? Last night, I watched the most magical film about the Met Gala called The First Monday in May. I was overwhelmed by how much I loved the ninety minutes I sat glued in front of my television. I have always been borderline obsessed by the Met Gala, so I knew I’d enjoy it, but I didn’t anticipate ugly crying when the director of the Metropolitan’s Costume Institute talked about the romance of being lost in the museum. I lost it,reader. I dream of curating a museum. To see somebody doing it with such passion and joy had me weeping. When they went to Paris and pulled out racks of old Yves Saint Laurent clothes, I was misty eyed. And Anna Wintour was sassy and Rihanna was flawless and it was perfection. Documentaries are magical. Watch them all.

Thursday:
Why don’t you plan a trip to a destination you have always wanted to go? For me, Romania beckons. I don’t know why entirely. The first thing that inevitably pops to mind is Transylvania and vampires, but although I love that mythology, this isn’t why I want to go, I remember a copy of National Geographic that I had eons ago that featured a photographic essay on Romanian hay farmers. Their life was so beautiful and so simple and so removed from anything I know. I longed to be a peasant, harvesting hay, slumbering soundly after a hard day of work, and not worrying about anything more than my hay. It’d be fabulous. So, I’m starting to research Romania. How to get there and what to do. It’ll be amazing. Go somewhere you dream, reader.

Friday:
Why don’t you invent some kind of clothing that keeps you comfortably warm or cool throughout the day? It’s 2017 and we are still wearing clothing that functions the same as a leopard skin did for the cave people. That’s silly. With technology and innovation, we should be able to have electrically charged pants to keep our asses warm in the frigid winter days. Surely this is possible. And in the summers, there must be a similar innovation that will circulate cold water though tiny veins and arteries of tubing that will keep us refreshed. We needn’t sweat and we needn’t shiver. But I’m not a fabric specialist, so I rely on you clever people to keep me from freezing to death. Cheers. Thanks a lot.