Is Martha Stalking Me?

I know that it is ridiculous and almost certainly far from ever coming true, but I have a fairytale dream of Martha Stewart sweeping me away to the glamour and creativity of New York City to work for her in her wonderland of domesticity, good food, and the art of the beautiful. I think perhaps she is waiting for the perfect moment to come and collect me, maybe to work at Bedford, even. I would not mind that, either, I would just love to absorb the Martha world.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if she had heard of me? Or if by some miracle of astronomical proportions she would one day read these words that I write and say to herself, “What a clever and talented young man. I should teach him my ways.” Perhaps she would do this even though I did not get a degree from the Rhode Island School of Design or anyplace at all. I think, though, that my training from Le Cordon Bleu in Paris would hold some kind of prestige in her eye — and maybe she is not the kind of person that judges others based solely on college degrees the way so many people that I have come across in my beginning years on this planet like to do.

Anyway, I have long been convinced that Martha is cyber-stalking me, or at least her people are. I will oftentimes say to people, “[Insert culinary, domestic, or any tip here,]” and within the next day or so this very same idea will be discussed on her show or in one of the many newsletters that I get every day from MSLO.

So, imagine my paranoid delight this morning when I open my inbox to see this:


It’s too small to see clearly, so I will transcribe for you. “Entertaining for guests is fun, but serving large numbers of guests means food starts to cool down before everyone digs in. To keep dinner hot longer, borrow this restaurant trick. Preheat the plates.”

I now refer you to my last blog where I give you the very same tip the day before Martha does. Now, I’m marginally psychic, so that could explain it all. And, this is hardly a secret, almost all culinary personalities praise this technique, but it is peculiar as I used the words “beloved Martha Stewart dinner plate” in the same sentence as my tip! To quote myself, “Before you start cooking, toss some rustic bread and your beloved Martha Stewart dinner plate in the oven on a low temperature to heat up. This is a great tip–always warm your plates!”

Same tip. We all see it.

I don’t believe in coincidences — Martha and her team are obviously carefully observing me from afar. When you (you know who you are) see this, please know that I am ready to join you and am exceptionally excited to do so.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s