LOVE:

– naps

I effing love naps. But I effing hate sleeping. This is quite a contradiction, I understand, but it’s true. Sleep is such a waste of time. Think of it. One third of your day is supposed to be laying in a bed. Ridiculous. I should probably sleep more than I do, but I have a life, you know? 121 days per year in bed, I don’t think so. Anyway, naps are great because you get a bit of rest, you can get undressed, and recharge yourself without having to black out for hours on end. I’ve been taking a nap in the afternoons and I love it. I’m busy today, though, and I’m not napping, so I’m kind of annoyed.

– Petrie Collection at University College of London

I’m a massive Egyptology buff. I adore everything about it. I love going to museums and roaming randomly through the galleries, examining the art and especially the mummies. Someday I want to see my favorite, the Elder Lady:

She’s so gorgeous! Anyway, when I was reading, I came across an exhibit I had never before heard of in London. Remember, I’m going to London next month! I’m so there, Jackie O! There are 80,000 objects in old-fashioned glass cases in a tiny little museum in the heart of London that few people know about. I’m going to love it!

– the Amelia Peabody series

Continuing with the Egyptology theme is my adoration of these books. They are about a family of Egyptologists/Archaeologists in Victorian times. They are good old-fashioned mysteries with humor, well constructed plots, and a great cast of characters. I’ve loved each book and it is one of my dreams to help get a television series of the show created. I don’t care what I’d have to do: I’d write it, I’d direct it, I’d star in it, I’d be a caterer, I’d be a post-production assistant, I’d be an intern. I don’t care, people need to experience this wonder. Please go read the books, they’re quick and wonderful. I’m on #9 right now, Seeing a Large Cat and it’s just as good as the past ones. I’m going to read more after I post this!

– school pictures

In High School, I was an ugly fat kid. In adulthood, I’ve blossomed a bit, I’m very pleased with this. I remember picture day and not giving a crap about what I wore. In fact, I have vague remembrances of going to school in size 40 corduroys and an XXL Cheerio’s hoodie. I also had long unruly hair. Let us all forget about that horrible time in my life. Oh, acne, too, and uncomplimentary glasses. Anyway, let’s forget. These days, I do much better about dressing myself. The other day, my father actually told me, “Don’t turn it into a fashion show.” Sorry. Can’t help myself. Anyway, I’m now a staff member at the school I went to and I’m finally happy with how my pictures came out. Take a look!

– New Orleans

I visited New Orleans a decade ago and ever since I started reading The Vampire Chronicles, I’ve been longing to go back and really experience it. It was only a day trip, after all, and all that I really remember is loving beignets, getting annoyed about a Farmers Market, and wondering why there were so many beads with plastic penises. Fun town. I want to go for a long trip and see all the architecture, lounge in Café du Monde for hours and sip coffee and write, write, write. I’d go to Arnaud’s for dinner. I’d listen to jazz. I’d have a great time.

– iPad

I just love my iPad, it’s my best friend. My iPad is with me 24/7 and when the battery is 10%, I get weepy and a bit panicked. I read on my iPad. I write on my iPad. I am informed by the iPad. I stay connected with my iPad. I create on my iPad. I listen to music on my iPad. I watch movies on my iPad. I discover music and movies on my iPad. I blog on my iPad. I do everything with my iPad. I can’t really fully form the phrases I need to express my absolute adoration of this product. It is the culmination of everything good that has ever been done in technology. I’ve been hearing rumors of an iPad Mini, and honestly, I don’t really fully understand the purpose–but I’ll buy it. Same way I’ll buy the new iPod Touch even though I don’t need it. I have the current iPod Touch hooked up to a vintage style speaker dock and it’s just divine. Buy an iPad.

– absentee voting

Absentee voting is just the bee’s knees. What does that phrase even mean? I can’t even imagine how it was thought up. Who thinks of bee’s knees aside from people who study bees? I certainly don’t. Have you ever thought of a kangaroo’s toe joints? Probably not. Now you have. Anyway, I love absentee voting. I can vote for whomever I like (Roseanne Barr, Obama really, but Roseanne is amazing) without leaving the house. It’s not that I’m antisocial, I’m just really ecstatic about convenience. I imagine by the next election (HILLARY!) we’ll have an app for that. Won’t that be fabulous? Download an app, type in a few bits of identification, click on Hillary’s face, get her to the White House.

HATE:

– flavored chapstick

What is the point of this horrible product? Why would I want my lips to taste like Dr. Pepper or cherries? I’m not planning on kissing Katy Perry and if I want to taste empty carbs, I’ll get a bottle of Jarritos. Love that stuff. I’ll stick to neutral chapstick, thank you very much.

– houses in town with tiny lots

My sister recently purchased a house in town and the trashiest neighbors you can imagine moved in. It’s horrible. I could never live like that. I need my privacy. If I want to walk around in my underwear, I’m going to walk around in my underwear, but I’d prefer not to parade my body around in front of white trash. When I buy a place in town someday (probably Paris or someplace within walking distance of a tropical beach) it’ll either be an apartment or a gorgeous old house with a big lot. I need space for trees and gardens and gazebos and privacy. The two houses that I’m interested in in Perry are on large corner lots. That’s all I’d settle for.

– destruction of Egyptian history by greedy thieves, untrained archaeologists, and scholars

I go insane when I start thinking of the history we have lost. In the Victorian era it was exceptionally common for tomb robbers to empty tombs before archaeologists found them. They would even remove sections of the wall art and sell it to collectors on the black market. So much information is gone. It will never be recovered. It’s lost. There are so many things that we could know that we can’t. One can only hope that as time goes by, collections will be found in crumbling estates…but for the most part, the parchments have no hope for recovery. I kind of want to weep. Untrained archaeologists searching for treasure did just as much harm by looking only for treasure. They would disregard simple pottery and such as it wasn’t sensational. So much lost information. Close minded scholars are just as bad, not regarding fabulous new discoveries like the recent theory that the Sphinx shows extensive water damage that suggests it is thousands of years older than previously thought–carved in 10,000 BC! I freaking love archaeology!

– not being in London November 27

I will be in London on November 26. I won’t be on the 27th. This is a tragedy. The 27th is the first showing of Viva Forever, the Spice Girls musical written by my beloved Jennifer Saunders. Isn’t it awful that I won’t be able to see it? I’m crushed. When I’m in London, I plan on lurking around the theater waiting for her. I imagine she’ll call the police and I’ll shout something like, “No, not the fuzz! Sweetie darling, not our friends with the talking broaches!” Then I’ll rush at her before fainting in the middle of traffic.

– flies

Flies are just the worst. You all agree.

– song files without lyrics

It’s 2012. When I download a song, why aren’t the lyrics included? I like to sing along. In fact, when I’m on the treadmill, I’m putting on a concert. I’m a blend of Judy Garland and Beyoncé on the treadmill. I don’t want to brag or boast, but it’s pretty incredible. I just can’t understand why the song lyric information is not embedded in the song file, it’s so simple. Dear music industry, get with it!

– harvest time

Everybody on Facebook is cooing over the crops going in. Yeah, it’s autumn and it’s nice and cool, but I effing hate it. I hate autumn. Everything’s brown and dead. The fields are massive piles of dead dirt. All the bugs start swarming to the house. Ladybugs and boxelder bugs. Little black bugs that bite and wolf spiders. I hate it. And, it’s cold. I effing hate the cold.