Monday:

Why don’t you adopt a rare, tropical animal or a not rare, not tropical animal? Pets are the greatest thing in the entire world. Get a kitten or a gecko or a parrot or a dog or a horse. Adopt all the animals!

Tuesday:

Why don’t you purchase yourself a lovely new water bottle made of glass? It’s much more elegant than a refillable plastic one and it will enable you to show off how superior you are based on your water intake.

Wednesday:

Why don’t you dye your hair lavender and go on a spontaneous trip to Hollywood? This is mainly just for me, I think. I will be headed out to California in a couple of weeks to bask in the resplendent Los Angeles sun and see all my celebrity friends. What fun I have!

Thursday:

Why don’t you send postcards to random strangers you find in that book full of telephone numbers and addresses? Phone book? Is that it? It will be fun to either write as a friend, a mistress, a stranger, or a beloved celebrity. Think of the delightful confusion that will ensue!

Friday:

Why don’t you do one of those DNA tests where you swab your mouth with cotton and some scientist will tell you where your family came from historically? Somebody on my father’s side did this; we’re from a very charming area of England quite near St. Ives. This completely explains my adoration of the sea. Find your roots, reader!