I have never decided on what I want to be when I grow up — I have good intentions and a few goals, but I have no real intention of ever being a serious adult. I think that’s all a bunch of nonsense. I’d rather light myself on fire than be forever serious. My life plans are to become an Egyptologist and work in a museum whilst I pursue some kind of notoriety. Of course, this career will require near constant travel — where I will exclusively dress like an even sexier Indiana Jones. Surely this will open many doors for me on the cable television and I will become the go-to “hot archaeologist” that they’ll use for all those crazy shows on the History channel. I’m hoping to be a regular on “Ancient Aliens.” But, as ever, I’m far from the topic I intended to talk about. We’ll get to that in the sermon.
Now, on your feet, flock, for the legendary MA the DO the NN the A. (See how I went all ”4 Minutes” on you?)
She’s great, isn’t she? I never can understand why people are so cruel to our beloved Madonna. She’s an icon with many unforgettable songs — hits, rather! She was Evita! She looks phenomenal! And she dates sexy men a third her age! We should all applaud her.
Now, onto the sermon!
As I started rambling about earlier, I’ve never really had any serious clue what I want to do with my life besides learn. I have always loved discovering new facts. I use an online learning service called Coursera (highly recommended) to expand my mind. I’m currently taking a class on archaeology and another on Buddhism. While I’m not overly enthused about this latter class (unlike the archaeology one, which I absolutely adore!) I am fascinated by the Buddhist beliefs I’m hearing about.
The Four Noble Truths really resonated with me. I won’t go into a long lecture to try and simplify these ideals (which are strangely deeply complex and very basic at the same time), but the core meaning seems to be: all humans suffer, for several reasons, mainly through attachment (of all kinds); this suffering can be alleviated by the conscious removal of attachments.
When I think on my daily life, I think of all the things that I am deeply attached to: my 64-gigabyte golden iPhone with fingerprint scanner, my closet stuffed to bursting with clothes, my desire to be ever more beatufiul, my library, my well-appointed rooms, my thirst for knowledge, my desire for renown, my lust for adventure, my constant hunger — the list goes on and without end. Even though these wonderful things don’t cause me any particular anguish, they are all indeed able to cause unhappiness. Though I have clothing I absolutely adore (custom oxblood blazer), I want more. Though my gorgeously designed rooms are lovely, I know that they could be resplendant. Though I’m already handsome, I constantly think of the ways I could improve. (Hello ass implants!)
So, whenever one of these things begins to bother me, or I’m overcome by a strong and unpleasant sensation, I’ve tried to lessen my feelings — in other words, I try to detach myself from my attachments. This is strange and rather foreign for me, but it does seems to work. The more I practice, the more peaceful my mind will become. It is odd because there is such a sense of clarity and, almost, serenity.
Maybe we should all be a bit more Buddhist?