Why Don’t You #61



Why don’t you get a happy light for every room in your house? I don’t think they actually improve your mood any, but they do give off the best illumination. My kitchen and studio both feel like they’re filled with afternoon sun, even at midnight.


Why don’t you teach yourself how to count to ten in a dozen languages? You never know when a few bits of knowledge will be useful. My ability to use Arabic numbers saved myself and my squad from being involved in a midnight riot in Cairo. Hopefully you won’t have such an extreme reason to use numbers, but being prepared is always good.


Why don’t you subscribe to a bunch of very expensive glossy magazines so that your mail carrier thinks you’re very wealthy and very well read? Leave them, quite a few of them, casually left open, so that your friends are impressed by your taste and opulence.


Why don’t you paint your bathroom entirely in black? Glossy blacks and matte blacks and all shades in between. Black is just the chicest color. Well, not really a color, but you do know what I mean. Make that unpleasant room a little more sophisticated. Maybe it will make your morning the tiniest bit better.


Why don’t you infuriate all your friends and family and start using the long-s letter like people did in the eighteenth century? It’s a thousand times more delightful to say, “I waſ doing ſome busineſs.” While you’re at it, why not use an eszet instead? “I was doing some busineß.” Arcane fonts are a treat.

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