Monday:

Why don’t you spend like 1/6th of the year away from home like me? Y’all know what I’m doing and where I’m going — MEXICO CITY — but I am so giddy over it right now. I haven’t spend so long away from my normal life since I was a student in Paris. It’s going to be glorious to escape to a new world and live a new life for two entire months. I might develop an accent or a quirky new style. Who knows? Maybe I’ll be fluent in Spanish when I return in August!?! Or maybe I’ll just still be me. We’ll find out. God I’m excited!

Tuesday:

Why don’t you make a trip to Chicago to celebrate the arrival of the Veggie Grill? I feel like I’m finally living in 3018. This is the best thing that has happened to me this year. Everything’s awful, of course, and it’s freezing, and I’m tired, but THE VEGGIE GRILL IS WITHIN DRIVING DISTANCE. I started crying last night when I learned this was happening. Life is starting to have meaning again!

Wednesday:

Why don’t you spend the day in the biggest city nearby and make Paris come to you? I have Friday off from work, and I’m thinking that I’m going to pretend I’m back in my should-be hometown. I’ll start the day at a bakery, I’ll go to the art museum and pretend it’s the Louvre, I’ll go to the Salisbury House and pretend it’s Versailles, and I’ll go to an Italian restaurant and pretend it’s Iolanda. Oh it’ll be fabulous. Just need to make sure I wake up in time to celebrate! (UPDATE: I didn’t do any of this, I just stayed in bed and watched Reina del Sur, and it was equally grand!)

Thursday:

Why don’t you do something about gun violence? I’m not going on a rant here, because I am fairly sure I have already written about this a hundred times. I am just so damn tired of Americans getting shot all the time while they’re doing their jobs. I should not have looked at my phone this afternoon and barely felt any shock when the New York Times reported that one of the largest mass school shooting in American history occurred while I was in class to be a teacher. This is ridiculous. 

Friday:

Why don’t you indulge in a guilty pleasure? I have long rallied against the expression, because I don’t think you should ever feel guilty about something you enjoy. But I have a dark confession, reader. Occasionally, on a whim or when I’m craving it, I will go to McDonald’s for a fish filet. I’m a vegetarian, so this goes against everything I stand for and it fills me with anguish. But you can’t cuddle a haddock, and it tastes so absurdly good. Treat yourself.