WHY DON’T YOU? #173

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Monday:

Why don’t you go to the doctor when you’re sick? One would think I would have learned my lesson when I preached this in my Multiple Sclerosis article. But I am still not accustomed to being ill. Honestly I never used to get sick. And I could always get over it with a whiskey sour and a nap. I’m in a new work environment lately and my body clearly isn’t accustomed to these germs. I have had gallons of mucus running out my nose, I have coughed so much that I fear permanent lung damage, and most frustratingly I legit cannot hear out of one ear. I always thought it would be nice not heading everybody, but it is a misery. I’m going to the doctor this morning. I’m over this. 

Tuesday:

Why don’t you eagerly look forward to jury duty instead of dreading it like a massive burden? I am on call for trial for the next two months — they let me off for June as I’ll be out of the country — and I’m actually looking forward to seeing what it’s like. I’m in the jury selection process now as I type thinking about lunch and staring at the beautiful courtroom. What if I have to solve a murder? I do watch a tremendous amount of Murder, She Wrote, so I don’t feel this will be too difficult. And I hope my performance is so iconic that Sarah Paulson plays me on the next season of American Crime Story. 

Wednesday:

Why don’t you buy yourself a robot? I have forever been obsessed with conveniences that do chores for me. My dishwasher is honestly the love of my life. It has made my world complete and utterly satisfying. Now that I’m not scrubbing dishes, I’m complaining about the mess on my kitchen floor that I have to sweep every night or I’ll have a mental breakdown like Joan Crawford because NOTHING IS CLEAN. So, I just ordered a Braava, which is basically a Roomba but for mopping. I can’t wait for it to get here and another stressful task can be relegated to a machine instead of me. The future is a blessing. 

Thursday:

Why don’t you find a cure for the awful disease of procrastination? I’m not sure if I’m lazy or if I expect too much out of myself each day. It’s probably a horrid combination of the two. I have so many things to do, but I don’t seem to get anything done. I mean I get a lot of things accomplished, but they aren’t always the necessities on my list. If there was some kind of energizing pill, that would save my life. I’m so tired of always having something to do when i just want to sit on the couch and watch a few episodes of Reina del Sur. Someday I’ll be done with college. Some long day far away. 

Friday:

Why don’t you try intermittent fasting with me? Every few weeks I try to reboot my diet. I used to be really serious about it and lost fifty pounds and was living my best life. Then I got MS and stopped caring and ate literally everything. Now that I only have two months until summer, I’m going to attempt this nonsense again by only eating between the hours of noon and eight o’clock. It is one of the only things that works for me. Hopefully I’m gorgeous by the time I get to Mexico. And I’m counting calories. And I bought this fiber pill that is supposed to make you always feel full, so it better work this time.

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