WHY DON’T YOU? #247

The radicalization of white people is a real and present danger. And it’s everywhere in our society. I watched my father begin his descent into its madness two years ago. He was converted into a hateful racist, acted weirdly victimized, talked at length about the death of America, and collected canned foods and bullets to keep him safe when the Liberals finally wrested America from him. Absolutely insane. Blissfully he died before the real mania began. He would have been oiling his guns. These domestic terrorists, even though they’re white, and even if they live with you, they’re building terrorist cells. This is the kind of shit that ISIS does.

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THINGS I LOVED/HATED THIS WEEK #252

In my forever goal to live in a vacation home, I have discovered that I have certain faults. I am a hoarder of beautiful things and I have an unhealthy obsession with plates. I don’t think I’ve ever left an antique shop without a new piece of gilded Limoges porcelain, and I don’t think I’ve ever had room service in a hotel without “accidentally” “dropping” a plate into my “bag.” Whatever, I admit it’s a problem and I’m doing so much better about it.

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THINGS I LOVED/HATED THIS WEEK #246

I feel like a Robber Baron of the Gilded Age as I shout to my lights to turn off and go on and set themselves to ridiculous intensity levels like, “ALEXA! Put the lounge lights at 17%!! Hurry!” Instead of complaining, the lights just go to the requested level and a shot of glee courses directly through my body. It’s like having a household staff that is either made up of ghosts or is so efficient that they are never noticed. And I fully understand how unnecessary it is, truly I do, but I’m never going back. I want to remove the light switches from my house. They’re superfluous now and ugly and I don’t want them bothering my aesthetics!

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