Monday: Why don’t you spend a day in complete and absolute silence? There are few things rarer than the blissful glory of utter quiet. All day, every day, we have […]
We went to Planet Fitness and one of the employees took us on a tour. She showed us all the exercise equipment which we politely nodded at, but she quickly became disgusted with us after she asked what our fitness goals were. “To be tan,” I replied, quite seriously. She scoffed somewhat but controlled her rage and gave us the tour of the massage chairs, tanning beds, and body vibrator things. This looked delightful so we signed up at once.
One life is hardly enough. I have no fear of death, but I really am irked that I only have a century here. And that is if I’m lucky. For a lot of people, more than I ever expected, a hundred years is plenty. People are tired and worn down and disinterested in life. I think there’s nothing more thrilling than being alive, seeing what’s around and learning about what has happened in the recent and distant past, so I will never understand this attitude. If I could live forever, I would pay whatever price. I’d make a deal with the Devil if that were a real thing.
Monday: Why don’t you pick something up at the grocery store that frightens you? All my long life, I have disliked peppers. Nothing could convince me that they were worth […]
One of my dream jobs is to work at the British Museum. There is not a role I would not happily do there. I would love being a janitor. I would clean displays. I would do, quite literally, anything. It is my great ambition one day to call them an employer. I don’t love London, not by any means, but I love that museum with passion. I have applied innumerable times in the past, but I have received so many polite rejections that I have given that up.
The point of travel is to learn about the world, not perpetuate your provincial and ethnocentric point of view around the world. You can do yourself no greater disservice than fail to attempt to appreciate the glorious world around us.
Anyway, I learned how to say ‘sack.’
I cackled like a child when Martha acted in ways that the viewer never dreamed she could. I wasn’t shocked by her behavior because I have followed every step of her career. Martha’s empire may not be at its peak right now, but this is my very favorite version of her. Of course I loved the fancy Hampton’s Martha and I loved socialite Martha on a yacht and I loved Martha in prison, but there is nothing quite like who she is now. She is hilarious, wise, and doesn’t give two shits about anything.
LOVE: Smarties: I, much like Karen Walker on Will & Grace, don’t have an addictive personality. Lol. Well, I usually don’t. I know when to quit and when enough is […]
Monday: Why don’t you adopt the trend that I started (and Kourtney Kardashian ripped off from me) and wear pajamas as fashion? I’ve been doing this for years and regularly […]
I know that what I’m about to relate isn’t real, at least I don’t think it is, but I think that I myself am a plague on the nations I love most. For whatever bizarre reason, when I leave a place after a few weeks of being there and falling madly in love with the culture, a devastating earthquake seems to strike. I was in Turin, Italy last year when there was a minor earthquake that shook the buildings. It spilled some of my wine. Truly a traumatizing moment.