I don’t mind aging so much. I joke about it frequently, but I feel as if I was “eighty before I was eighteen.” I was a grumpy old man for the majority of my life. I didn’t do anything terribly exciting or socialize or have a dozen boyfriends or wake up on a riverbank with no memory of getting there. Honestly, I can’t say that I regret that, but there are times when I wonder what I missed out on during the course of my tame youth. I feel younger now than I did back then. I still haven’t woken up on a riverbank, but that’s just fine. I have woken up in five star hotels, so that’s better.
Monday: Why don’t you move to a third-world country and become a teacher? I was terribly inspired by the documentary He Named Me Malala. I love that heroic young lady so […]
LOVE: War Paint: When I visited New York City last month, I had a single goal in mind: give Glenn Close a standing ovation for her performance in Sunset Boulevard. […]
Monday: Why don’t you learn how to properly relax? It seems that everybody I know is aware of what to do, but it’s a skill I never learned. I can’t […]
Coming to the end, a well-uniformed security guard approached me and told me that I was sure to get a wife now. I smiled and chuckled to myself and replied, “Inshallah.” This pleased him inordinately, and so I was led on a long walk with him into more to those off-limit sites for a bit of baksheesh. Everybody’s charmingly corrupt in Egypt. He led me into a chamber with something to do with Alexander and went to find a man who was going to give me great good luck. I shrugged again, any luck was better than no luck, after all.
“It will eat you, Bin-ya-meen,” Hassan hissed, pronouncing my name in the most beautiful way.
I didn’t care a bit. What a story! I eagerly accepted the beast from the woman and couldn’t believe how strong it was. Tiny though he was, that little crocodile was nothing but muscle and teeth and scales. It was insane. He writhed in my grip, and I wondered how strong his bite was. Hassan was having none of this as Abdul photographed me and my new best friend.
I woke with trepidation. I was heading to Aswan, checking off another major destination in Egypt, and stopping in several of the iconic temples along the way. Even though I […]
Monday: Why don’t you write a letter to every single Grammy voter and kindly tell them they are fools? Beyoncé deserves every award she was nominated for and for several […]
I encountered an absurd number of machine guns on this trip. There were the patrolling guards around the Osireion, then the bodyguards of the Minister of the Interior, and then […]
LOVE: New York City Trip: Each time spring break rolls around, I promise myself to book a trip somewhere warm and tropical. I need desperately to escape the winter. I had every […]