MEXICO CITY: Death Becomes Us

Now, don’t get too excited, it wasn’t like we had been exposed to a toxic nerve agent by a Russian spy, though had that occurred I wouldn’t be terribly surprised. I have talked a lot of shit about Putin’s girlfriend, Donald.

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I have a doozy of a story to share with you today. Martha Stewart is one of the icons in my life that I look up to every single day. If I can ever be a bit more like her, I’ll find a way to do that. Whenever I’m tidying and redoing my house, I’m thinking, what will Martha think when she comes over? It’s absurd, reader. Martha is never coming to my house for lunch, but I terrorize myself into order at the thought of it happening. This has been a commonplace scenario in my mind since the summer of 2008 when I saw my first episode of Martha’s daytime talk show.

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Those who say that both Hillary and her opponent were equally bad are perplexing to me. I struggle to understand and empathize with their viewpoints. And I think they’re fools. They might not like Clinton, but when you have a choice to choose between somebody who knows what they’re doing and has the cool resolve to lead in a troubled world compared and a hotheaded businessman who singlehandedly keeps the self tanning industry alive, I’m flabbergasted that anybody would struggle making a decision. And when you could literally choose between anybody and somebody who proudly discussed grabbing women by the pussy…how could you make a wrong choice?

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I quickly fell head over heels in love with the author, Barbara Mertz. When I learned that she was a trained Egyptologist with a degree from the highly respected University of Chicago, well that was it for me. I knew that I needed to do the same. So I wrote a lengthy letter telling Barbara that she had profoundly impacted my life. When I went to research the address to send it to, I read that she had died. I felt overwhelming loss. I was devastated for the longest time because I would never get to befriend Barbara. And I was sad because Amelia had been frozen. She would never come back to life in the pages of a book. Imagine my rapture, imagine my thrill, imagine my delight when word spread that there was an unfinished manuscript about Amelia!

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