LOVE: “From Vienna with Love” by Conchita Wurst: Do you watch Eurovision every year? If you don’t, you are a fool and you are absolutely wasting your life. One of […]
You can leisurely fill in your choices whilst sipping on a good gin martini while wearing a silky bathrobe and letting your expensive facial moisturizers sink in. Absentee ballots have made voting the simplest thing in the absolute world. I can’t believe that we live in a nation where such a thing is possible but so few people actually use their vote. It’s absurd really. Election Day should obviously be a national holiday so that everybody can go to the polls, but when we all have the miraculous mail, we can just vote from bed. And isn’t that what we all truly want?
I have a doozy of a story to share with you today. Martha Stewart is one of the icons in my life that I look up to every single day. If I can ever be a bit more like her, I’ll find a way to do that. Whenever I’m tidying and redoing my house, I’m thinking, what will Martha think when she comes over? It’s absurd, reader. Martha is never coming to my house for lunch, but I terrorize myself into order at the thought of it happening. This has been a commonplace scenario in my mind since the summer of 2008 when I saw my first episode of Martha’s daytime talk show.
Still I dared to dream. I didn’t dare tell Jessica that we were almost assuredly not getting tickets because she would have had a meltdown and gone into a psychotic and depressive episode that she might never emerge from. So, when I was bizarrely lucky enough to get a code the night before, I was extra nervous. So many didn’t get codes. I did, though. Then the morning came. Ten o’clock came. Reader, I have rarely been more afraid.
This will be my last LOVE/HATE posting until probably September. As you surely know, because I talk about it nonstop, I’ll be in Paris next week! Yes, I will be […]
Monday: Why don’t you all investigate the theory that Donald Trump is being paid by wealthy individuals to skew the election in favor of the Democrats? I don’t believe this […]
LOVE: H&M I had this whole fantasy of going on a tremendous shopping spree at the Mall of America yesterday. My arms would be laden with bags from all of […]
I was very inspired when I was reading Joan River’s new book, I Hate Everyone…Starting With Me. Hilarious book. Buy it. Devour it. Great jokes about Anne Frank and celebrities and offensive […]
This post might seem misogynistic at first glance, but that is not my intention at all. I am going to complain about two women, but that should not make you […]