When we watch Eurovision, we don’t want a ballad, we want dwarves on unicycles, hard metal Vikings, explosions, sequins, fire! The more insane the better, and I am thrilled because this year finally amped up the insanity. Let’s watch some of my favorites, first off a vampire youth from the Ukraine!
Monday: Why don’t you get Coolsculpting instead of working out? As a skinny fat person (look it up. Very real), I’m obsessed with this. You go to a clinic and […]
Let’s set the mood. To Egypt! I have always intended to write the story of my life in three volumes, each book telling the story of 33 year bits of my […]
The first ten seconds of this are important for this post. It’ll make sense much later. The lady in the sandwich shop really intrigued me when she mentioned that Turin […]
“You have a, how do you say? The head of a killer!” a woman chuckled at me at the little bookstore where tickets to the museum are sold. I grimaced warily at this odd greeting and entered the museum.
Immediately, I was gobsmacked. The first room is dark, has a terrifying bust of a Neanderthal, and opens up onto the first main room. Skulls and death masks are everywhere. There isn’t a visible surface that isn’t dedicated to the weird and horrible.
MANDATORY HILARY DUFF INTERLUDE: This will make sense later on. ***** I can’t say that I really felt any better the next day. This was a constant problem of mine […]
“It turns out that many places in Italy are closed on Mondays or have very limited hours. As a person who is genuinely quite lazy, I found this a charming practice. But as a gloomy man looking for a few hours of meditative peace, I found it irksome in the extreme.”
As can be expected, I was up later than I hoped. I had dreamed of springing out of bed and getting to the Neues Museum as the doors opened. Wasn’t […]
There is nothing about me that is a morning person. I think it’s monstrous to see the world before nine o’clock. Inexplicably, I have a job where I have to […]
I only had two days left in Paris, and that put me in something of a funk. Life is so much better when you’re where you belong, or when you […]