Why don’t you knife a tire as a form of stress relief? I don’t know if life is like it is in the movies for you, but I have never been in a situation where I needed to exact revenge on a foe by slashing their tires. But life is so varied these days, maybe it’s normal for you. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I have a junk car in my yard that needs disposed of, so I suggested to my sister that we slash the tires for a laugh and to reduce her incredibly high stress levels. Let me tell you, reader, it takes a bit more force than you think, but it’s a supremely satisfying thing to do. The hiss of the air rushing out makes you feel like you’re in a gang. Highly recommended.
LOVE: “From Vienna with Love” by Conchita Wurst: Do you watch Eurovision every year? If you don’t, you are a fool and you are absolutely wasting your life. One of […]
There is something so tragic about eating with plastic cutlery in a take out bowl. Am I being too ridiculous? I don’t think so. So, I can recommend you getting this food to take out and then plating at home on some more fashionable pieces of tableware with nice millennial gold forks. That’ll be fine. And when you’re at home you can imagine that the waitor at Tucci is back with the block of Parmesan and life is decadent and nothing is bad.
When we watch Eurovision, we don’t want a ballad, we want dwarves on unicycles, hard metal Vikings, explosions, sequins, fire! The more insane the better, and I am thrilled because this year finally amped up the insanity. Let’s watch some of my favorites, first off a vampire youth from the Ukraine!
LOVE: Time Machine: One of the better decisions I ever made in life was to only buy Apple products. They obviously cost more, but I can hardly contemplate the time […]
HATE: Writing Only About Positive Subjects: I am bored to tears with trying to be perky all the damn time with this weekly post. It was a little experiment that I […]
Monday: Why don’t you visit the National Gallery of Art’s website and download a great number of free paintings? I went on a spree last night gathering together a collection […]
LOVE: Eurovision: There is a very special place in my heart for Eurovision. Not many people here in America have any reason to know about it, but there is a […]
Monday: Why don’t you write a complaint letter to the writers of Saturday Night Live and demand that they stop putting a game show skit in EVERY EPISODE? I’m so […]
Monday: Why don’t you pick some political campaign to start crusading for? It’s almost time, you know, elections are in two years from now. If you’re smart, and I know […]