Why Don’t You? #76



Why don’t you visit the National Gallery of Art’s website and download a great number of free paintings? I went on a spree last night gathering together a collection of Flemish still life paintings of flowers from the Baroque period. I’m obsessed with these. Someday I will have a few printed out and put into beautiful frames and hung all over my country estate. Find other resources for copyright free art, reader. It’s fabulous!


Why don’t you have a set of custom china commissioned for your home? I don’t think there’s anything classier in the world than fine white porcelain from Limoges that has been embellished with gold. I have quite a few pieces of antique dinnerware like this, but I dream of a full set with my monogram on it and a border of my own design. This can be done, of course, but it comes at a hefty price. Someday, reader. I’ll invite you to a dinner party and you can be in awe of my class while we sip champagne.


Why don’t you treat yourself to an elective surgery that you’ve long longed for? I want to get my eyes shot up with lasers, and I want to get some botox in my underarms, and I want to get a Brazilian butt lift. I need these for my continued happiness. I think I’ll start with the eyes, though, as I absolutely loathe my vision. I’m terribly blind. If I were to lose my glasses, I’d be lost forever. I travel so much that I think it’s a worthy investment. What if a camel were to crush my glasses? What if they fell into the Mediterranean? What then? I’d be doomed! I must get off to the eye doctor. Ciao!


Why don’t you plan a Eurovision viewing party for next weekend? My sister and I are going to watch the live broadcast together for the first time since 2011, and I’m so excited to watch this annual disaster with somebody so that we can discuss it. She’s had to work every year since we tuned in all those years ago in Paris, so I’ve been left alone to watch it with my cats and my Twitter followers. I amassed quite a fanbase in 2013, but they’ve all left me. Twitter is a lonely place. Get snacks and get ready for the best afternoon of your life! Eurovision is everything.


Why don’t you teach yourself how to make good homemade corn tortillas? Mmmmm…I just love a warm tortilla! [That’s an inside joke that exactly one person will understand.] Honestly, there are few things more comforting than a fresh tortilla to serve with huevos rancheros. I live for huevos rancheros. Teach yourself a new culture’s cuisine, reader!

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