Monday:

Why don’t you buy yourself a gorgeous water bottle and fill it exclusively with filtered water? For being as pretentious as I like to be, I feel silly walking around with a Fiji water bottle. I found a gorgeous metal bottle at Target that was only a couple dollars. I feel extra luxurious now walking around with my pink bottle full of purified Brita water. And I’m not polluting the environment quite so much, so hooray!

Tuesday:

Why don’t you treat yourself to that gorgeous new iPad Pro? I have the original one, and aside from a quickly dying battery, it still works perfectly. It’s in fabulous condition and I can’t justify an upgrade, but I am literally dying to. The new ones look absolutely stunning, and I am pretty sure I’ll eventually convince myself that I need a new one for college — and I do have my textbooks on one and I did have it die last week in class…meet you at the Apple store! We deserve this. 

Wednesday:

Why don’t you start planning your summer getaway? It’s the time of year where I have a million ideas swirling through the ether of my grey matter. I have a dozen ideas that I’m coming back to, some absolutely unreasonable, but these are the ones that I gravitate to and those that bring me the greatest joy. I won’t make any decisions or buy any tickets for months, but I saw something on Expedia that is taunting and haunting me. I might have to book this one early!

Thursday:

Why don’t you keep in mind that life is essentially pointless? I think that’s just wonderful. We’re nothing more than nothing on a little planet in the vast universe. Even the movers and shakers amongst us are nothing. I’ve had this mindset for so long that it’s altered my perspective for the better. Why not be pleasant and have a laugh for the century you’ve been given for no apparent reason? 

Friday:

Why don’t you start divorcing yourself from social media? I’m not saying to give it up entirely, just spend much less time on it. Pick your favorite accounts and forget the others. The only one I really care about is Instagram, it’s the only one that brings me any pleasure. I have no real interest in Facebook and Twitter anymore. They’re just wastes of time and full of crap. It all used to be fun, but now it feels like a burden. And the Russians. Ugh. Remove yourself if you feel your mental health beginning to deteriorate. It’s for the best.