Monday:

Why don’t you teach yourself a new skill that isn’t esoteric like a dead language and actually useful like drywalling? I’m a sucker for learning things I really don’t need to know, but I’ve discovered that I’m actually a fabulous handyman. Who knew? I’m an inexplicably good electrician but I never thought that I could move outlets and fix walls and do all that taping and mudding stuff. I skim coated the texture away from a room that I’m designing, and it has absolutely transformed the space. It took forever but I’m so proud. This is a skill that will come in handy many times in the future! (No, I won’t come over and help you!) And I’m not lying, my carpenter guy won’t shut up about my walls. 

Tuesday:

Why don’t you treat yourself to the cheapest luxury item that speaks to you or something that used to be astronomically priced that’s now rather reasonable? I always delight in thinking of what I would have thought about my iPad Pro when I was in middle school. I wouldn’t have believed it. I still can’t some days. But it’s not unreasonable to own. On my only outing to Walmart since March, I bought a sound bar on a whim. My body did it without thinking. It was weird, I hadn’t been in public for months. After completing the purchase I remembered that I only have one functioning ear so this splurge was gloriously pointless. But I assumed that the surround sound would still sound like it was surrounding half of me. And I was right. It’s fabulous. So loud. Actually it made watching television better because, as you might remember, I’m half deaf. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Wednesday:

Why don’t you remember that life can still thrill you? About a month ago, I wrote about my belief that we are in the midst of a cultural dark age. I find these historical moments perplexing. Why would people want to be ignorant and sad? Dark ages are a constant part of life and civilization, though each doesn’t get its own name, and I found myself beyond annoyed that while I’m in my prime and ready for the Renaissance, the rest of the world is…in a bizarre historical parallel…dying of a plague. Sad times. I’ll be very old when things really start swinging. And I still believe this is mostly true, but when Joe Biden won, there was a glimmer in the world again. I’m not sure of what, there’s still so much work to be done, but there’s a chance for us yet. I’m weirdly optimistic about the future, even the immediate future. 

Thursday:

Why don’t you pause to remember that the world is truly still full of wonderful things? Just yesterday I learned the most unexpected fact while listening to Micheal Cohen’s expose, Disloyal, about the president. He was reminiscing on the Stormy Daniels’ business and wrote about Stormy’s agent, a woman named Gina Rodriguez. I screamed and hit pause because that was too wild to be real. Like, I know Gina Rodriguez. Not personally — ugh, if only — no, Gina is Mama June’s agent. Like Honey Boo-Boo’s Mama. I follow her social media because of that show and I see her getting her workouts in and driving down the 101. I had NO IDEA that she had represented Stormy through some early negotiations with Donald Trump. I had no idea about SO MANY THINGS. It took my breath away. It made me feel alive. 

Friday:

Why don’t you grab a mask and start running to your closest Apple Store or whatever? SPRINT THERE! Get that new HomePod Mini. I’m shocked by it. I put a single one in my library fills the house with sound and makes the Alexa system I have look like toys. Like ANTIQUES! These are incredible. I’m listening to Miley Cyrus’ new album — another triumph for her — from my deaf side, mind you, and the sound feels like it’s dancing around. An absolute delight and worth every cent. And chic! Another triumph for Apple. I need one for every room. I’m glad robots can’t feel, but I bet Alexa feels utterly shamed, like a total fool, like a burden. Stupid.