Why don’t you teach yourself a new skill that isn’t esoteric like a dead language and actually useful like drywalling? I’m a sucker for learning things I really don’t need to know, but I’ve discovered that I’m actually a fabulous handyman. Who knew? I’m an inexplicably good electrician but I never thought that I could move outlets and fix walls and do all that taping and mudding stuff. I skim coated the texture away from a room that I’m designing, and it has absolutely transformed the space. It took forever but I’m so proud. This is a skill that will come in handy many times in the future! (No, I won’t come over and help you!) And I’m not lying, my carpenter guy won’t shut up about my walls. 


Why don’t you treat yourself to the cheapest luxury item that speaks to you or something that used to be astronomically priced that’s now rather reasonable? I always delight in thinking of what I would have thought about my iPad Pro when I was in middle school. I wouldn’t have believed it. I still can’t some days. But it’s not unreasonable to own. On my only outing to Walmart since March, I bought a sound bar on a whim. My body did it without thinking. It was weird, I hadn’t been in public for months. After completing the purchase I remembered that I only have one functioning ear so this splurge was gloriously pointless. But I assumed that the surround sound would still sound like it was surrounding half of me. And I was right. It’s fabulous. So loud. Actually it made watching television better because, as you might remember, I’m half deaf. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 


Why don’t you remember that life can still thrill you? About a month ago, I wrote about my belief that we are in the midst of a cultural dark age. I find these historical moments perplexing. Why would people want to be ignorant and sad? Dark ages are a constant part of life and civilization, though each doesn’t get its own name, and I found myself beyond annoyed that while I’m in my prime and ready for the Renaissance, the rest of the world is…in a bizarre historical parallel…dying of a plague. Sad times. I’ll be very old when things really start swinging. And I still believe this is mostly true, but when Joe Biden won, there was a glimmer in the world again. I’m not sure of what, there’s still so much work to be done, but there’s a chance for us yet. I’m weirdly optimistic about the future, even the immediate future. 


Why don’t you pause to remember that the world is truly still full of wonderful things? Just yesterday I learned the most unexpected fact while listening to Micheal Cohen’s expose, Disloyal, about the president. He was reminiscing on the Stormy Daniels’ business and wrote about Stormy’s agent, a woman named Gina Rodriguez. I screamed and hit pause because that was too wild to be real. Like, I know Gina Rodriguez. Not personally — ugh, if only — no, Gina is Mama June’s agent. Like Honey Boo-Boo’s Mama. I follow her social media because of that show and I see her getting her workouts in and driving down the 101. I had NO IDEA that she had represented Stormy through some early negotiations with Donald Trump. I had no idea about SO MANY THINGS. It took my breath away. It made me feel alive. 


Why don’t you grab a mask and start running to your closest Apple Store or whatever? SPRINT THERE! Get that new HomePod Mini. I’m shocked by it. I put a single one in my library fills the house with sound and makes the Alexa system I have look like toys. Like ANTIQUES! These are incredible. I’m listening to Miley Cyrus’ new album — another triumph for her — from my deaf side, mind you, and the sound feels like it’s dancing around. An absolute delight and worth every cent. And chic! Another triumph for Apple. I need one for every room. I’m glad robots can’t feel, but I bet Alexa feels utterly shamed, like a total fool, like a burden. Stupid. 

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