August 26: Four’s a Crowd

I was watching this movie, which was alright, nothing great, and thinking, “Hmmmmmmm, this is familiar.” Then I remembered that I had seen it long ago. I was going to delete it and move on to something else, but my beloved Olivia de Havilland was one of the female stars so I kept it on. I was even more delighted when I rediscovered that the other female star was Rosalind Russell. The film also had Errol Flynn and his silly mustache that I’m always jealous of. How does he get it so perfect? I look silly when I grow mine out. It wasn’t that great of a picture, but the cast was wonderful. Errol is a newspaperman looking for some story and he is romantically interested in Olivia. Then Rosalind’s character is interested in a frenemy of Errol’s character. It was really rather boring actually. I don’t want to write anymore. [My Rating: 3/10]

August 27: The Heavenly Body

I’m a big believer in astrology. I adore it. I’m a Leo and can’t imagine being anything else. I’d die of boredom. There’s nothing better than being a Leo. I’m the stereotypical lion: I’m vain, love the spotlight, really into gorgeous things, a natural leader, I have a weak back, the list goes on. Next to the dictionary entry of Leo should be my picture. I enjoy Chinese astrology, too, where I’m a snake. I exemplify the Snake. Do you know what’s marvelous? Both myself and Martha Stewart are Leo’s and snakes. Things liked that just don’t happen, they are designed in the stars! I wonder if the ancient Egyptians used some form of astrology, I’m more than sure that they did seeing as how much of their religion was based on astronomical observations. They laid out the pyramids in alignment to the stars and even had channels laid out into the megalithic structures in line to other certain stars. The Egyptians were amazing. I wonder if we will ever understand all the mysteries of that wonderful civilization. But, back to astrology. It’s real. I have learned that to be happy in my romantic life I need to find an attractive Aries or Sagittarius. From previous experience, I can assure you that this has a basis in reality. If we’d all just get ourselves a good astrologer, the world would be a more wonderful place. William Powell is one of my favorite male actors of yesteryear and he stars in this as an astronomer on the verge of a great discovery. He has tracked a comet that is set to hit the moon. This has captured the public’s imagination and all of his time. His wife, Vicky, is unhappy because she never sees her husband. He works all night at the Observatory and barely pays attention to her. She knows that he loves her, but she does get frustrated with his lacking attention. Vicky’s friend suggests that she visit a famed astrologer. I’m so there, Jackie O! (Holla at the Kath & Kim reference!) There is an astrologer that I listen to occasional on The Paranormal Podcast that I think would be fun to talk to. I’d like to talk to Sylvia Browne, too, love her, adore her, but I’d rather get together for a past life regression and information on the future. She already told me to move to Hollywood. I don’t understand why I’m not following her advice. I really should think on this. I’m in the mood for a change. Anyway, Vicky is very skeptical at first, but she’s willing to go to amuse her friend. Soon, though, she is a convert and starts changing her lifestyle and schedule to be in accordance with her chart. When William finds out that his rational wife is using astrology, he flips! He’s a scientist, he has no time for mumbo jumbo! I was offended a bit, his wife should be able to have her own interests. Anyway, soon, Vicky’s star alignments say that she is destined to move on from William and find a new love. One night, this new man arrives and they do fall in love. William realizes that he must do everything in his power to keep Vicky. In the end, she realizes that’s she’s been a fool and goes back to him. I was a bit miffed at the end about the expressed disdain of astrology, but it was still a nice picture. [My Rating: 7/10]

August 28: Monkey Business

Who wasn’t in this movie? Cary Grant, Ginger Rogers, Marilyn Monroe, and Charles Coburn. I wasn’t surprised to see Coburn–he’s in everything. I think he must have lived in the studio, lurking in the shadows, waiting for any role so that he could be in yet another movie. I wonder which actor has the most screen credits? I think it might be him. This was a great movie, but I’ve discovered that it’s hard for a Cary Grant picture to be a stinker and Marilyn makes everything better. I’ve fully changed my opinion on her. Sorry for all the things I said before. Cary stars as Dr. Barnaby Fulton, a chemist looking for the chemical fountain of youth. He is thwarted constantly. Perhaps it is impossible? One day, a lab monkey gets out and mixes up his own formula, which he hides in a water fountain. Absolutely ridiculous, but it works for the plot. Nobody knows about the water, though, so they think that Dr. Fulton’s concoction is making the water taste bitter. They think that he has discovered the secret, when it was really the monkey! The formula is an amazing success, Dr. Fulton acts 20 years younger: he buys and drives fast cars, he buys a youthful suit, he ogles women (Miss Laurel played by Marilyn Monroe), he goes roller skating, he makes crazy dives into the pool, his vision is completely corrected, he’s having a marvelous time, but the formula eventually wears off and he goes back to normal. Wouldn’t it be great to see? I’m blind. Not Helen Keller blind, mind you, but without my glasses I can only see colors and vague shapes. If I hold my iPad or phone up to my face, it can see it clearly about six inches away. I feel bad about my vision, but what can I do? I dream of one day waking up and being able to see the ceiling without fumbling for my glasses. I’ll surely get laser eye surgery, but I’m nervous about it. I’ve heard so many horror stories. I’m starting to wear contacts more often and I’m loving it, I can see everything, unlike my glasses where I can only see through the lenses. I’m also researching the contacts that you can wear for a month without taking them out. I’m very curious. Anyway, back to the film. Edwina, Fulton’s wife, wonderfully played by Ginger Rogers takes some of the water, too, and she and Dr. Fulton have a marvelous time, but she become upset and calls one of her old boyfriends to help her out. He knows nothing about the formula, so he believes that Edwina is truly unhappy in her marriage and that she wants a divorce. None of this is the case, of course, but it sets up for an hilarious scene involving a childlike Cary Grant and an Indian scalping. They movie was very, very funny and I enjoyed it very much. Some scenes were overly drug out and it could have been tightened up a bit, but no matter. [My Rating:  8/10]

August 29: Last Holiday

One of my very favorite movies is Last Holiday starring Queen Latifah and featuring Gerard Depardieu. That’s a wonderfully joyful movie, it brings hope and delight, it inspires one to travel to my homeland of Czechoslovakia, it makes one want to shop for fancy clothes and live life to the fullest. This original, starring the ever boring Alec Guinness was such an oppressive downer. I didn’t want to shop or travel or even live after viewing it. I wanted to turn it off halfway and hop out a window, but I struggled through. It follows the same basic premise as the later (superior) adaptation, only it sucks the life out of it. When he goes to the bank to withdraw his money, he glumly does it. When the Queen does it, she takes her pile of cash and proclaims, “I’m gonna spend it!” Yes, gurl! Once George has been diagnosed with Lampington’s disease, he goes glumly off to die in a posh resort by the sea. He was so boring, I didn’t sympathize with his eminent demise. I didn’t care what happened to him. He made friends, he influenced people, he fell in love, blah blah blah. The ending was the shocking part. George meets the actual Dr. Lampington who tells him that’s it is impossible for him to have the disease and that he is in no danger. Shocked, but happy, George goes off to begin life again–but is killed in a car accident! Did not see that one coming. Odd ending,  so sad and gloomy. See the new version, avoid this. [My Rating: 3/10]

August 30: Where Love Has Gone

This was so bad! The only scenes worth watching were those with Bette Davis and even those were laughably bad. It was fun for campy moments, but they were so few and far between that I often spaced off, my mind a million miles away. It started off exciting enough, businessman Luke’s daughter had just been apprehended by the police for killing  her mother’s lover. Drama! Then, we spend most of the rest  of the picture telling the backstory. Dullsville. Valerie is a sculptor, but is only able to create beautiful art when she’s feeling promiscuous. At the end of World War II, Valerie meets Luke, a veteran and hero. Her mother, played gloriously bitchy by Bette Davis invites him to dinner and decides that Luke should marry her daughter. He gets pissy about this. Why? I don’t know, really. He was offered wealth, a lovely home, and a life of leisure. I dream of this life. Anyway, they end up falling in love and getting married and having a baby. Luke becomes a drunk. Valerie continues to be a slut for art and I was endlessly bored. At this point I was doing yoga to keep myself amused. Finally, we return to the present for the trial of  Danny. It was actually pretty good, lots of drama, campy lines, Bette had a good shocked face. We learn that Danny was actually trying to kill Valerie, but had killed her lover instead. Valerie kills herself, and we all go to a funeral. Hopeful ending, but crap picture. [My Rating: 1/10]

August 31: Young Man With a Horn

I had left this picture in my DVR for ages and ages waiting for the right time to treat myself to a Doris Day movie. I love them. I love them because she sings. She sings all the time. She sings at unreasonable times for no real reason. She sings when she’s happy. She sings when she’s blue. She sings when she’s hungry.  She sings when she catches a cab. She sings when she has a hangnail. In this movie, though, she did not sing nearly enough. It was all about Kirk Douglas overplaying the trumpet. Then he was drinking. Then he was playing the trumpet. Then he was running about. Then he was crying. Then he was drinking some more. He was exhausting, but the name of his character was hilarious: Rick Martin! Just like everybody’s favorite Latin lover, Ricky Martin! Perhaps it was just me laughing? Rick was an eternal bore. The film started off promising with Rick learning to play trumpet from a semi-famous jazz musician. But, then he started focusing on his music, and boy was it boring. Rick played in a band where Jo Jordan (Doris) sang. What’s up with that name? That’s like a guy I’ve met named Philip Phillips. Can you imagine? Jo and Rick begin a relationship, but it is not really much of a success. Rick eventually marries a melancholy socialite. I was fonder of her, reminded me of myself, never ever happy. I try, but the only thing that pleases me is buying myself things, pretending I’m somebody famous, kittens, and writing. The rest of the time I’m discontent, but not in an overly depressing way, just mildly woebegone. I love that word. That marriage is not a happy one, they never get to know each other. So then Rick drinks some more. Then his trumpet playing teacher dies and he runs around a très chic hospital. Then he drinks himself into a stupor and winds up in rehab. Jo comes back and they plan on sticking together. Lame. [My Rating: 2/10]

PICTURE of the WEEK: Monkey Business A cute picture. Very fun. See it.

MOVIE of the MONTH [August]: She-Devil (I planned on picking The Great Dictator, but this was much more amusing! See them both!)