A Word From Reverend Benjamin #9


Holla Flock,

Your reverend is apologetic for delaying this post for a day. Yesterday, I went to my desk and sat down to write this article, but then I started thinking about cake, so I went to get a slice, then I ate that, then I went back to my desk and thought I should finish my book, then I woke up at three o’clock in the morning. Not sure how that happened, but obviously I didn’t have a productive night. My week has been annoying like this. We will get into that in a moment. For now, though, open up your hymnals to “400 Lux” by Lorde.

Still not over that album. It’s very well done. And that siren thing in the background. Love.

Now, on to the sermon.

I’M SO DEPRESSED. I hate it when the seasons change and the warmth leaves us. As much as I love to bundle up and wear cute sweaters, I also want to die. I can’t stand it. I become a completely different person in the chilly months. In the summer, I’m outgoing and happy to do anything. I’ll run and garden and I’ll read and actually accomplish shit. Now, though, I’m not doing a thing. It’s absolutely dreadful. All I do is eat, nap, and do a bit of writing. I love to write, but even that hobby of mine can’t get me going. I fall asleep all the time. This year, I already feel lazier and more lethargic than I ever have before. It’s the absolute worst.

Every year, I tell everybody I meet about Seasonal Affective Disorder, and this is going to be a record year for my complaints, I can already feel it in my bones. My sunlamp doesn’t do me much good anymore. I haven’t bought any Vitamin D pills, yet, but I’ll be doing that soon in the vain hope that I’ll force myself to do something. It’s not that I’m unwilling or don’t want to, it’s just that I can’t.

The idea of doing anything, small or big, is just unbearable. I hate that when I get home, the sun is setting. I hate that seven o’clock feels like midnight. I hate that the bitter wind whips through and rattles the shingles. I hate that my space heaters run nonstop and that I have to pull my shades to confuse my mind. I hate that I’m constantly grazing even though I’m not in the slightest bit hungry. I hate everything. I need a vacation. Last year I had to take an emergency flight to Florida to combat my misery. I’m not joking in the slightest. I can only imagine that such drastic action will need to be taken again this year. Perhaps a few days in New Orleans or a week in Costa Rica. I’ve been meaning to visit Costa Rica for ages.

But, what I’m getting at, and I really don’t know what the point of this sermon was intended to be, is that you should all have sympathy for me and send tithes so that I can get away on a spiritual retreat. Your reverend needs inspiration and finds it lacking when the sun don’t shine. Oh, I can’t stand another cloud! I don’t think people will be able to stand me standing morosely by windows, belting out “Autumn Leaves” much longer either.


Oh, she’s wonderful! But, that song only furthered my depression.

Well, I’m off to eat some more cake.

Send me your #sanasas and tithes, I’m in such desperate need (of cash.)


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