Why Don’t You? #44



Why don’t you hire an actor to creepily stalk one of your friends? This will be terribly amusing when they confide in you about their fear. For more fun, tell all your acquaintances about your delightful plan and have everybody ignore the stalker and drive your friend insane.


Why don’t you start planning a Halloween party the likes none of your friends have ever seen? Make it so ornate and lavish and so festive that Martha Stewart weeps in envy. Admittedly, I’ve never hosted a Halloween party, but there used to be decorations in our barn, so clearly my ancestors knew how to live it up.


Why don’t you spend the day making a variety of potpies and then freeze them for chilly days when you’re too depressed and lethargic to do anything but eat refried beans out of a can? I’ve been thinking about creating an Indian potpie for a while. I need to get on that.


Why don’t you go shopping for a shirt that you like an awful lot, have it tailored so that it fits you perfectly, and then take it completely apart and trace it for a pattern? You can make your own beautiful shirts in all sorts of patterns and be the fashionista you always knew you were but could never afford.


Why don’t you go through your house and throw away everything that you don’t love, that isn’t beautiful, or that doesn’t serve a purpose? It’s so much nicer to live in an uncluttered environment and it’s so much easier to clean when you don’t have junk all over.

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