It’s already the holiday season, and I am having trouble believing that 2014 went by so quickly. We all say the same thing every year, though. I hope that time slows down. I enjoy life, and I’d prefer it not slip away so soon. That’s not a very happy note to start this post on, though!

It’s the season of giving and GETTING and it’s one of my favorites. I love rampant commercialism. It warms my heart. Besides that, shopping is an excellent distraction from the chilly weather. I have no time for the cold. I need to move to LA.

I do a wish list every year, mainly because I’m greedy, and also because I don’t really expect to be gifted most of the things here. I do this as more of a list of goal purchases for myself to make. Nobody gives better gifts than yourself, after all! But, if you are out shopping for me (and bless you if you are) these would all be perfect!

1. iPhone 6 Plus

 

[In gold, please, 64 or 128 GB]

I was awfully resistant to this phone when it was first announced. It’s too big. It’s unwieldy. For reasons that I can’t completely understand, my vitriolic reactions have lessened. I can see myself using one now. It might be kind of wonderful to watch Murder, She Wrote, on the massive screen or reading a book on there. Ever since I acquired my first iPhone last year, I have been one of the happiest men in the world. Everything else is absolute garbage. It’s the only phone I have ever had that treats me with respect. I used to have those Samsung nightmares, but they barely functioned. I hardly used them because I could not make them work. I’m not technologically illiterate, either, iPhones are perfect. I’m ready for the next stage of their flawlessness. I have my case picked out, too!

2. Large Computer Monitor

[LINK]

When I am writing one of my novels, working on a blog post, planning an overseas excursion, or editing photos, I often wish that I had a bit more screen space than what my 13-inch Macbook Pro offers. Apple sells an absolutely gorgeous monitor, but this one is the same size, of comparable quality, and only 1/4 the price! It’d be wonderful to have this in my writing studio — which I’m nearly finished decorating — so that I can bring up multiple documents and images to reference and inspire me.

3. Egyptian Exploration Society Membership

[LINK]

I adore Egypt, as I’m sure you are well aware (because of that fabulous image of me up there straddling a camel in front of the Giza pyramids. That was quite a day). You will also notice that quote by Amelia Edwards. She was one of the cofounders of this society, which has, for over a century, worked to preserve ancient Egyptian sites and raise awareness of endangered monuments. Membership dues help fund these projects, gets you their well-respected newsletter, and access to their libraries. What fun it’d be to see their offices the next time I’m in London.

4. Socks

[LINK]

I love socks, but all my socks seem to have holes in them. I don’t know why this is. Probably just shoddy craftsmanship. I received a set of socks from Bombas in my Birchbox (which you should absolutely sign up for) a few months ago and I’ve fallen in love with them. They’re very comfortable, lovely to look at, and very well made. I’d adore a dozen pairs so that I can get rid of my rather pathetic sock stash. Both calf and ankle length, please.

5. Slendertone

[LINK]

Honestly, if you don’t get this for me, I’ll buy one myself. When I was in Paris this summer, there were posters in all the Métro stations for this miraculous machine. You put it on and it works out for you! Is that not fabulous? Clearly it won’t do much if you’re obese, but I’m not. I just don’t like exercising. I could easily have a perfect body, but I have no willpower to do anything more than eat right and walk a bit. This excites me.

6. Stuff For My Bed!

[LINK, king size; LINK, 2 sets please]

One of the best decisions I ever made was to make my house feel more like a vacation home. Ever since then, I have thrown out loads of cumbersome junk and simplified a few rooms. My bedroom looks like a luxury hotel now and my kitchen could be the set of a show. It’s so much nicer to come home and relax instead of stress. I don’t have a comforter yet or matching pillows for my bed, though, so I need them to complete my bedroom! I’ll still need a monogramed bed scarf, but don’t worry yourself on that.

7. Saint Laurent Boots

[LINK, size 11.5]

Starting on January 1, 2015, I will only be procuring clothes that are in black, grey, or white. I also only want to wear Saint Laurent, but I don’t quite have the funds for that. There will be a few exceptions, but I am ready to simplify and enhance my wardrobe. These shoes will go perfectly with everything and I didn’t totally pick them out because Harry Styles always wears the same pair in brown — yes I did. Still, I’ll look gorgeous in them. Thanks!

8. Home Depot Gift Card

I have an unlikely passion for the Home Depot. I love it. It’s one of my favorite places in the world. Each aisle is composed of dreams! Every single time I visit, I spend more than I ever dreamed I would, but I never have regrets. As I said, I’m turning my house into a vacation home, so I’ve had to do a lot of work. I used to live in a dump. It’s almost nice now. I’d love to have a gift card to buy things guilt free. I’m in terrible need of a router and trim boards.

9. Amtrak Voucher

I love Amtrak, even though I have been infuriated with it in the past. It is just such a relaxing delight to hop on a train, stretch your legs, and then show up days later at your destination. Clearly this is not for times when you’re in a hurry, but it’s nicer than an airplane. There’s a lounge, delightfully absurd passengers, and electric outlets. I’m hoping to return to California next summer, so a travel voucher would be much appreciated. I also need to get to Montreal!

10. Theater Tickets

In another life, I would have been in the theater. Well, I might still. Life is only over when you’re dead, you know. Strangers have told me that I should be on the stage, like my charming seat mate at A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder, and Nathan Lane after a production of The Producers. Who knows? Anyway, next month both Kinky Boots and The Book of Mormon are coming to Des Moines! What a time to be alive! I need to see them both.

11. Books

Here is a sampling of books that I NEED for my continued education:

[LINK]

I still think that I am the reincarnated Oscar Wilde, so I’d like to know more about my rise to prominence and my travels in America.

[LINK]

This book about about simplifying your life through tidying is massively popular in Japan. I love throwing things away, seems perfect for me.

[LINK]

Dorie Greenspan is a saint in culinary circles. She is friends with Pierre Hermé and has recipes that actually work. I need this cake.

[LINK]

Egyptologists and historians won’t admit it, even the amateur ones, but we love shit like this! Alternative theories are very compelling and oftentimes lead you on interesting factual roads you’d never take otherwise.

[LINK]

Ina Garten is my personal Jesus. She is fabulous and has a perfect life. I want mine to be just a little like hers. Her latest cookbook is a necessity in my remodeled kitchen.

12. Keurig Machine

[LINK]

I have been intrigued in moving beyond the world of espresso. I love espresso and I always will, but I often crave a nice big cup of good coffee. I have tried the drip kind, but it’s just not for me. I use my Moka pot, but that’s still not what I am after. Keurig machines are fun. When I was in California, the family that I stayed with had one — this one — and I was absolutely obsessed and enchanted with it. I’d like one of my own please!

13. Fashion Budget

As I mentioned, I’m working on restocking my wardrobe with simple elegant pieces in black, white, and grey. I’ll need some cash to do this. Think of it as an investment for your eyes. I’ll look good and you will appreciate it.