Why don’t you all investigate the theory that Donald Trump is being paid by wealthy individuals to skew the election in favor of the Democrats? I don’t believe this is true, but conspiracy theories are absolutely delicious! Isn’t it a genius thought that some wealthy family is paying the money hungry Donald to act a fool? For an egomaniac like him, it’s the perfect gig. Money and fame…and international loathing. Anyway, vote for Hillary, dear and gentle reader.
Why don’t you send me buckets of flowers in sympathy of my wisdom tooth? I went to the dentist this morning and discovered that I have one wisdom tooth. Just one. The other three were never created. My body decided that I was wise enough with just the one. This single tooth has been causing me endless pain, so it has to come out. February the 9th, dear reader, so arrange flower deliveries in advance. I prefer irises, sunflowers, and carnations. I have a great fondness for carnations, though they are the most accessible flower ever grown. Nothing purple, please.
Why don’t you order a family heirloom by placing a large order of china from a factory in Limoges, France? Emblazon the delicate porcelain with your family crest or a picture or just your surname in a gorgeous font. Rimmed in gold and anything you find elegant, your heirs will cherish this dinnerware for years. And never settle on plates alone, get cups, and saucers, soup tureens, butter pat plates, an entire espresso set, and literally everything they sell. This is going to cost you…a lot…but it is going to be so worth it, reader! Shop!
Why don’t you go to a graphic design company and have them design a logo for your name? Then you can have this printed up on business cards, use the logo for your cover photo on Facebook and Twitter, or even better, have this as the header on a set of personal stationary printed on very thick and elegant paper. Trust me when I say that there is nothing more charming or satisfying than receiving personal correspondence. I have a couple letters I’m sending off to Europe this weekend, and I would be just mortified if I was sending them off on basic paper. I wouldn’t even bother.
Why don’t you buy an electric kettle, like you can find in any kitchen in Europe? They are ever so elegant, efficient, and helpful. I have to confess to you that I absolutely adore Nescafé, but I never make it at home because I would have to boil water on the stove top. Whenever I’m in Paris, though, I drink the stuff by the gallon. We have an electric kettle at work that I’m obsessed with, so I’m going to pick up some Nescafé tonight. I can’t wait. But, get a kettle reader, for I truly believe it will change your life.