LOVE:

The Discovery of King Tut Exhibition @ Putnam Museum:

My most used catchphrase is, “Egypt is everywhere!” I usually have this on Instagram and it’s followed by a number of ridiculous hashtags that routinely fail to get new followers. I sound like one of the supremely passionate Egyptologists on Facebook that I follow…and I guess I am. My catchphrase is a very accurate one, too. No matter where you go, you can find traces of Egypt. Trust me. There will always be obelisks or sphinxes or pyramids somewhere. It’s almost guaranteed. With my eyes open, I find my beloved ancient land in every cemetery and city. Sometimes it’s more subtle than others, but it’s always there. For reasons that are utterly mysterious to me, the Putnam Museum in Davenport is having an exhibition called “The Discover of King Tut,” which has recreations of the greatest pieces rom Tutankhamen’s tomb. Why this should be in Iowa’s third most populous city, I haven’t a clue, but I’m glad it was. Jessica and I drove over, and I was utterly charmed by how well done it was. I felt almost as if I were back in the Cairo Museum looking at the treasures for the very first time. But…there was air conditioning, displays that were legible, and no constant request for baksheesh. The golden mask looked perfectly right, but the golden shrines seemed a bit off. I didn’t care, though. I had the most marvelous visit. There was an ancient mummified falcon that Jessica lost her mind over, and the movie on mummies was marvelous.

Davenport isn’t my favorite city by any means, but what a good time! Beyond that, isn’t it marvelous to find something I love so much so close to home?

Super Cheap Kitty Litter:

Because my cats are my children and more precious to me than life itself, I have always bought them the very best of everything. Nothing will do but the most expensive for my little angels. Why would I give them anything but the most expensive food and litter? They deserve even better than I can give them. They deserve the world. So, I never would buy anything cheap. I was going to house a cat named Rufus a few months ago, but I wasn’t sure if he was going to live with me forever, so I just picked up some cheap litter at Walmart to use in the basement with him. It didn’t work out, and I was left with a stockpile of feline necessities. I’m always hoping to bring in another darling kitten, so I put them to the side. A few days ago, I decided to try the cheap kitty litter just to see how awful it was. Reader, I was instantly impressed. Instead of being assaulted by a cloud of clay dust, the bigger chunks poured cleanly into the pan. I was dubious, but the next day, I was delighted by how desiccated the waste was, how unoffensive it smelled, and how easy it was to clean. I sincerely don’t think I’ll ever bother buying the expensive kind again. This is so much cheaper, I feel it works better, too, and it doesn’t come in a massive plastic container that makes me feel ecologically guilty. It’s the best, reader. Pamper your pets, of course, but be thoughtful of other options. There is a world of bargains out there waiting to be had!

BEYONCÉ TOUR TICKETS [IN PARIS!!!!!!]:

Reader, I am living in a world of pure enchantment. I have no need to be depressed. I have a reason to wake up in the mornings. I have an urge to exercise by dancing. Everything in the world is beautiful because I have a ticket to Beyoncé’s next concert! I never thought I would. They all sold out immediately. I made a feeble attempt to make it to the show at Soldier Field in Chicago, but that was a complete bust. So I gave up on my dreams, which is a foolish thing that I do not recommend. Never give up, reader. The other day, I was flipping through the pages of Public, my favorite French gossip magazine that is magically delivered to my iPad each week; that was one of the greatest innovations of all time. You can get periodicals instantly delivered from around the world without massive shipping rates or a NO from the publisher after you send them a pleading email… Anyway, I was thoroughly amused, reading the latest gossip, when I saw an advertisement for the Formation tour. I looked longingly at it for a moment and swiped on by. But then I stopped. I swiped back. I looked again at the date. I SCREAMED! Beyoncé was going to be in Paris the same day I was, the last day I’m in my favorite city. So I immediately fetched my credit card and hurried to the Internet. Because of some miracle, scalpers hadn’t bought them all and I procured a terrible seat for a decent price. Five minutes later, the ticket arrived in my email. I AM GOING TO ONCE AGAIN BE WITH MY QUEEN. Oh what fun we shall have! I lost my mind the last time I was near to her. And then the next day, I’m jetting off for Berlin. This is going to be the best damn summer of my life. Brighton, Paris, Beyoncé, Turin, and the Winter Palace. I have chills at the thought!

“Best of Bowie” Album:

I never thought much about David Bowie before he died. All I really knew was that RuPaul loved him, and I think everything Ru loves is flawless. So, I don’t know why I never looked up any Bowie music. The only song that I knew was that thing about an astronaut in the sky and that Lady Gaga sang some it while wearing blue eyeshadow. For one reason or the other, while perusing Apple Music, I came across the Best of Bowie. I decided to give it a try while I was out for a walk, and I enjoyed it much more than I ever thought I would. He sang songs that I know, but never knew that I knew like “Fame;” that’s a jam. I still can’t sing most of the songs without looking up the lyrics, but I’m really enjoying it. I’m sure I will soon branch out into other of his albums in the future, especially since I can never get that song “I’m Afraid of Americans” out of my head.

It’s been speaking to me lately. I have concerns. I’m not going to get political on you…but I have many concerns. Like a lot of concerns. In the meantime, I’ll listen to David Bowie and Dolly Parton and One Direction and have a good time while I try to convince myself to do homework or exercise instead of sitting on Tumblr all night eating omelettes. I do that too much.

College Professor Reviews:

It might be bitchy, but few things make me feel more alive than justifiably flaying educators who have irked me. I’m a kind man, but I do not like to be handled poorly. I also expect a lot more for my dollar than I get from higher education. I don’t want feedback on a paper saying, “Good.” I want at least a sentence singing my praises or failures. Excellent professors are few and far between, so I lavish compliments upon them, just not the fools. They will never earn my high review. I’m still laughing about how bad my astronomy professor was. Why did I even take that class to begin with? I give no effs for the stars. I have little interest in venturing off to space. What would you do? There aren’t any Italian restaurants or history museums. No thanks. I’ll stay on earth if you please. Why would I bother with the moon when I haven’t seen India, you feel me? Besides, India has Indian food, and I’m passionate about eating. That astronomy professor was legitimately awful, and I let the administration know with an eloquently worded review. I hope they wait on bated breath for my concerns. One of them should be particularly worried. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯