Monday:

Why don’t you write a letter to every single Grammy voter and kindly tell them they are fools? Beyoncé deserves every award she was nominated for and for several she wasn’t. She is a transcendent goddess who was sent to us to restore peace and matriarchal power to our planet. And she has been let down, just as the nation, just as the world was let down in November. We can’t survive all these travesties one after another. Humanity needs a rest. I’m appalled. Lemonade is a landmark. 25 is little more than a catchy trifle. This is disgusting.

Tuesday:

Why don’t you follow the sage advice of famed Hollywood producer David Selznick and, “Spend it. Always be broke.” I think this is a remarkable piece of wisdom. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t put some money away, and I’m not saying that you shouldn’t save something for hard times, but have fun with your life. Living is such a blessed gift. Every day I get, I’m thankful for it. I don’t think there’s anything more wonderful than living. So, spend you money, go on an adventure, buy the art, get a better hotel, spend a little extra on dinner. Live you life richly, reader, even if you can’t afford it. You only get one chance. Nobody cares about a balanced checkbook when you’re dead.

Wednesday:

Why don’t you fly to Paris for the weekend just to have a croissant on Saturday morning? I think it’d be the epitome of elegance to jet to Paris Friday night after work. I’d take the train into town, check into a nice hotel or lovely apartment and go out to my favorite bakery for some breakfast treats. Then I’d stroll my city and pop into the Louvre. I’d go to dinner at a nice café, grab a couple glasses of mint tea, and then head back. In the morning, I’d fly home and resume work that Monday as if nothing ever happened, as if it was the most casual thing in the world. Oh what fun it would be! Maybe I’ll make that happen next year. Maybe a three day weekend in the fall. Or Reykjavik or London or Montreal or anywhere. I need to be away.

Thursday:

Why don’t you take inspiration from Malala Yousafzai and be a bit more kind every day? I am ashamed that I don’t know more about her, so I procured a copy of her autobiography, I Am Malala. I have only just started, but I’m already delighted by how pleasant and lovely and thoughtful she is. She is the kind of person we all should aspire to be. In the face of the worst, she is unyieldingly good. It helps her deal with the world and would help us all if we had just a smidgen of her compassion in our thoughts. I will carry her with me every day.

Friday:

Why don’t you enjoy the false spring we have right now if you’re in Iowa? I am losing my shit right now since it was 75 degrees yesterday. Reader, it’s mid February! I know this happens every year, there are warm days all the time in the winter, but this entire week is supposed to be in the sixties. I’m going to go for walks and lay in the sun and soak up the Vitamin D and live my very best life. I’m so happy. So so so ridiculously happy.