Why don’t you plan a three day weekend for yourself? If you’re able, take Friday or Monday off and really enjoy twenty-four additional hours of bliss and relaxation. It doesn’t sound like much, but when you have three glorious days in a row, well, it’s pretty magical. I actually feel rested, healthy, and ahead of myself for once instead of needing a nap and playing catch-up all the damn time. Truly these kinds of breaks are glorious. Treat yourself. 


Why don’t you implement some kind of basic fitness regime into your life? I know how awful it is, reader, trust me. But still I know that when I do something for my physical health I truly feel better. So now I’m doing one hundred squats and pushups every day. All at once or in sets of twenty-five or whatever works. I’ve been doing this for about two weeks now and I honestly feel worlds different. It’s so nice not to exercise but it does treat you right. How annoying. There should just be a surgery for this. 


Why don’t you start counting calories and become beautiful again? I don’t mean to sound like a fitness guru, for that is certainly not what I am, but I have been spending most of 2018 feeling gross and pudgy. I’ve been counting calories for a week — nothing crazy, just a bit restricted — and I haven’t weighed myself because I’m too lazy to run to Walmart for batteries for my scale — but I feel healthier than I have in ages. Maybe it’s a miracle cure? There should be a surgery for this, too that is readily available and cheap.


Why don’t you wash your entire bed and then imagine you’re spending the night in a five-star hotel? Years ago I decided that I would turn my everyday home into a vacation home. I still have too many things and one room that isn’t done, but I’m close to the sanctuary and escapism that I feel at the Chateau Marmont. Yesterday I washed everything on my pillow top king size bed. The Egyptian cotton sheets were bleached and ironed. The duvet was beaten. The pillows were washed twice. I sprayed Chanel cologne into the dryer. Everything feels so luxurious right now. You can make your life decadent. 


Why don’t you make some air popped popcorn and then cover it in brown butter? It changes everything, reader. Last night when I got home from class, I made some popcorn and got distracted by Eartha Kitt music videos from the 80s — do watch them, they are deliciously insane — and my butter got a bit more than melted. This tastes fabulous on pasta, so I added it to my popcorn. Then I started gasping in delight. My god, it was delicious. I will never go back to regular popcorn. 


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