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Why don’t you pretend you never treat yourself and treat yourself? I just discovered that there’s a gorgeous little exhibition going on at the Oriental Institute until the end of the month. They’re featuring two completely unrolled ancient Egyptian “Books of the Dead!” Of course I’ve already seen several of these artifacts at the Metropolitan and the Louvre and in Cairo. But it’d be grand to swing by Chicago for the weekend and look at an artifact so close to home and so close to my heart. I got my tax refund back…I can afford it. 


Why don’t you try very, very hard to partition your life into separate spheres? For a long time I’ve been good about this, but lately work and college and my everyday lives have been intersecting quite dangerously and it’s stressing me out. They’re all overlapping and I’m a smidge overwhelmed. I need summer break to get here just as fast as it possibly can so I can restore what’s left of my sanity.  


Why don’t you join me in this challenge that I found online where you throw away one hundred objects every weekend? I’ve been looking for the image with all the details for weeks, but I can find it, so maybe I made it up. But it seems like a good idea. You just toss out one hundred things — any thing at all — and then after a few months, you can live the minimalist life of your dreams. I don’t want to own anything anymore, but I’m far too attached. I started going through my silverware last week and about died. But I’m getting better. 


Why don’t you scream in delight with me over the opening of an African restaurant near me? Yesterday we about crashed when I started squawking at a sign in the window of a restaurant in Ames. In my time in the city, this particular spot has been a decent Mexican restaurant and a horrible Italian restaurant, and starting next week it’s going to be an African restaurant run by a family from Sudan. I’m going next Wednesday and I am on veritable pins and needles. Life is wonderful sometimes. 


Why don’t you you install a small refrigerator in you bedroom and fill it with those little bottles of champagne? Wouldn’t it be the height of elegance to sip some champagne in bed on a lazy Saturday morning? I think so. I think I’ll get one of these fridges when they have the next back-to-school sale and all the college students are getting dinky appliances for their dorm rooms. I’m so glad that I never went to a dorm. Gross. 

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