Monday:
Why don’t you run for a mile just to see if you can? I’m profoundly opposed to running. I don’t think you need to run unless there’s a cake or Harry Styles ahead. But still, I always try to stay reasonably fit, and once a year I force myself to run a mile. Yesterday I did it and I didn’t die so I’m healthy enough to run away from a killer without worry. Until next year. Walking until then.

Tuesday:
Why don’t you buy yourself a ticket to wherever your soul is begging to go? Lately I have had this literal aching to visit Cairo as soon as I possibly can. I want to once again wander through the winding alleys of the Khan el-Khalili. I want to meet eccentric strangers and smoke shisha and crawl through pyramids. If I don’t get back to Egypt soon to see my friend Hassan and the bustle of Cairo and the peace of the sunset I will lose my mind. If there is anyway to visit over the winter holidays, I will be there once again in that place that makes me feel most at home.

Wednesday:
Why don’t you tell me why I can’t get the song “Tom’s Diner” by Suzanne Vega out of my head? For absolutely no reason, the notes started playing inside of my brain. I called my sister who also knew the tune but didn’t knew why. It was weird. Then I found an app called SoundHound that you can hum a melody into and it matches it to the actual song. Witchcraft. Anyway I still don’t know why I know this song. It isn’t sampled in anything I love or remade by my favorite artist nor in the soundtrack of some film. I have no idea why it’s burned in my brain. Please help.

Thursday:
Why don’t you get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning? I give myself no time before I go to work. I always get there on time but it’s miraculous if I do anything more than spritz cologne and run to my car. I’ve been trying to rise slightly earlier this week and a few extra minutes have been a revelation. I made tea this morning! I paid a bill yesterday! It’s been wild.

Friday:
Why don’t you treat yourself to one of those absurdly cheap Chromebooks you can pick up at Walmart for a couple shekels? I never imagined I would willingly own one until the other day. I have been losing my mind a bit with my laptop — which I still and forever love — but the battery on my MacBook barely holds a charge. And I wanted something new but I didn’t want to plunk out a thousand dollars before Mexico…so I got this massive ChromeBook for $200. It’s fine. And the battery lasts all day. It’s clearly not Apple quality but it doesn’t have the Apple price tag either. So I’m good. It’ll be fine for the summer.