Monday:

Why don’t you go to the theatre and see whatever is playing? I live close to Des Moines, and there are a surprisingly diverse variety of options. There is nothing quite so satisfying as an evening at a show, scarfing down an early dinner before dashing to the theater to grab a ridiculously overpriced cocktail and settle into your barely comfortable seats wearing your finest outfits. It’s expensive and it’s a labor of love and it’s perfect. Go see a play.

Tuesday:

Why don’t you go to you local wine shop and pick up a bottle of this year’s Beaujolais Nouveau? I’m heading to town tonight to pick up some groceries and a bottle and I can’t wait. This is a cultural holiday in France that I’m a big fan of, even though I have never participated in. This year is the year! This is a wine variety that is fermented quickly and then released to wide acclaim in France on the third Thursday of every November. Some say it’s wonderful. Some say it’s undrinkable. We shall see! [UPDATE: it was amazing!]

Wednesday: 

Why don’t you save all the random lonely socks that you find in your dryer? I used to be an absolute fool and just tossed mismatched pairs until I came across my beloved pair of woolen Bombas socks. One vanished and I couldn’t stand to part from the remaining one. I put it in my closet as a reminder of getting a new pair. BUT THEN last night, I pulled my clothes out of the dryer and randomly the missing sock was there. I don’t understand how or why, but I have both of my socks now and life has meaning again. 

Thursday:

Why don’t you be sure to always carry a sewing kit with you to protect yourself from getting arrested for indecent exposure? I have bad luck with my beloved black jeans. Well, not bad luck, I just wear them out. When I was in Egypt, my entire thigh and underwear were exposed in an ancient temple, and as I crossed the Nile with a bunch of locals I enjoyed a breeze in places that aren’t usually exposed to fresh air. And just yesterday at work, I sat down and heard a hideous tear. I hurried to the sewing room and grabbed supplies and dashed to the staff bathroom to whipstitch my pants. Always have a needle and thread!

Friday:

Why don’t you get ready for the Cyber Monday deals next year? If you haven’t yet participated, this still has the desperate magic of Black Friday where people might get killed for a cheap television — except there’s no threat of death because it’s online. When my pants ripped, as I told you above, I hurried to Forever 21 and threw a couple pairs of pants nd a few shirts into my basket and checked out and then got a deal! Thirty percent off. Blessed.