Today was the day that I decided to go to Disneyland as a kind of personal revenge on the majority of my family who are leaving for Disney World soon. I know that it didn’t prove anything, but I thought it would make a good statement.

I woke up at the ungodly hour of 9:30am and gave myself two hours to get ready to go. Everything was going swimmingly, I was dressed, fed, and caught up on all my Internet stories, in fact, I was running ahead. Then, for some reason, a force stronger than myself decided to ruin my day. One second, everything was going fine, I was answering emails, updating my blog, and then, nothing. No Internet. For a person as completely connected to the digital world as myself, this came across as some kind of heart attack. I ran to the phone, but there was no dial tone. The entire digital hub box that my apartment has, was blinking orange and looking very unhappy. I looked behind–no loose cords, or reasons, or explanations, just flashing lights. I was so distressed. There is nothing I hate more than being disconnected, not only for myself, but so that I can communicate with my family. It is comforting to know that I can call the United States whenever I need to. When I can’t, I don’t like it. I didn’t know what to do. As I discovered before, there are no pay phones in Paris, London, yes, Paris, not one. I don’t really understand where they are if there are some. Before I left, two months ago, I had planned on buying a Blackberry because they can be used easily worldwide. Mother talked me out of it with an argument I can’t remember now, but seemed rational at the time. I strongly wish I had a Blackberry right now so that I could call the emergency number for my apartment services. It’s funny that every time I have an emergency, I can’t let anybody know. It drives me insane.

I just gave up. Locked the apartment up and went to the station. I decided to use the pay phones in Disneyland, they are everywhere, there.

I was quickly on the RER, reading The Picture of Dorian Gray when I said this phrase in my head for no reason, “The color of anger is orange.” Things like this oftentimes happen to me, but I think nothing of them. No fewer than five seconds later, a woman sat down beside me with an orange and I got angry. The scent reminded me of Florida, that’s why I was mad, not because she was eating a healthy food. Little did I know that this 5-second psychic phrase would become a kind of foreshadowing for the next segment of my day.

I was soon at Disney, and sadly, due to my issues, was not filled with the childish glee that I was looking forward to. Quickly, I was inside and at a phone. My credit card lingered over the swiping device while my face contorted into a grimace. I knew that nothing good was going to come out of this. Two years ago, Mom made a call with one of these phones and had her data stolen. I felt sick as I did it, but what else was I supposed to do? The phone, of course, didn’t accept my card, so I swiped it again, again, not accepted. I smacked the phone with the handle, causing several people to look at me as if I were dangerous, and marched over to the Town Hall. Here, the overly friendly staff told me that I could buy a phone card. A phone card! I had to go to three different stores before I finally found one that had them in stock.

Back at the same phone, it worked perfectly with my new fancy card. I got in touch with mother to tell her that if she doesn’t hear from me again, it’s because my technology is still down and she should contact somebody pronto. She also told me that my card had been charged $40 for trying to place the call fifteen minutes prior. I was exceptionally irritated. If I have to pay for my card not working I will not be happy. But, if the security of my card has been compromised, oh well, I’m getting a new card soon anyhow.

But get this, the company who runs the phone company is called Orange. Scary, huh? First, orange blinking lights, then the orange phrase, than the actual orange, and then the Orange phone. Coincidence? I think not.

The whole phone fiasco was like a poorly conceived Charlie Chaplin movie with me running around like an idiot. I was glad to be done with the phone and went off to try and enjoy my day.

The first thing I came across was an African themed store in the middle of the Aladdin area, I thought that was odd. It was one of the Disney gift stores that have the exact same merchandise as every other store, but they had one little aisle of Disney china that I hadn’t seen anywhere else. It was even reasonably priced for being in a Disney theme park, less than seven euros. I didn’t want to carry it around all day, so I decided to come back later.

Since the Phantom Manor was closed, I decided to ride the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction. Inside it was very dark, I could barely make out the people in front of me or their movements, so I oftentimes brushed up against the wall–sometimes rather roughly. It was also very warm inside, which was nice, the wind made it rather unpleasant out. The floors were very slick as well, I’m surprised that nobody died from slipping and cracking their brains open. It was a very relaxing ride, and I wished that I didn’t have to get off.

Next, I went into some Alice In Wonderland themed maze. It was very frustrating, trying to find my way to the castle. Once you reach the little castle, you climb up and have a very nice view of the park.

There were lots of little British schoolchildren running about today on a field trip. In fact, there were just a lot of British people. Disneyland Paris is kind of like an extension of England. The Eurostar runs right to it from London, all of the staff speaks English, and you can pay in British pounds.

Next, I went on Space Mountain: Mission 2. This ride should be banned. First off, I didn’t know the first Space Mountain was a mission at all, did you? In the line, I was behind these British chavs. They are kind of like American punks, and you want to hit them about the same. It’s like they are speaking a different language with all their chav talk. I learned a lot of that by watching the Catherine Tate Show, so, I felt in the know. Anyway, on this ride, I felt my brain separating from my spinal cord and this is not an exaggeration. It is painful, there is no pleasure to be had here.

Next, I descended into the Nautalis (I don’t know how you spell it, it is based on 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.) This was probably the stupidest attraction in all of the Magic Kingdom. You don’t do anything but walk through this submarine and are never told why. It is also very scary because it is dark and there is nobody in there. Totally creeped me out.

I emerged from the submarine and right into the middle of a parade. I hate parades.

Instead of maneuvering around the behemoth, I decided to go eat at this chicken restaurant. I wasn’t in the mood then to go waste money at Planet Hollywood after the phone fiasco. Where I went is a kind of Disney fast food joint set in Bavaria. It’s not great, but it wasn’t bad. The chicken and cake were very fresh, so that means that they were very tasty.

By that time, I was done for the day, so I did my shopping. I went on other rides before dinner, though, that didn’t irritate me, like Peter Pan’s flight and It’s A Small World amongst other classics. I went and bought my plate, then wandered down Main Street. All of the shops are the same and it is very easy to get lost. All of the stores are much bigger here than they are in Florida. Here, they stretch back forever, it doesn’t look huge from the outside, but once inside it’s like you are in an airplane hanger. There were a few things that I wanted, but I didn’t want to pack up next month when I come home. We are supposed to go to Florida in July, so, if I still want it, I’ll pick it up then.

I came across a barber shop, so if I do decide to get my hair cut, I’ll go there, because it’s fun to say, “I got my haircut in Disneyland…Paris.”

I wanted to go and see the New York hotel, so went to the buses and waited forever. Supposedly, they arrive every twelve minutes, but I waited at least twenty minutes, so, I left.

Back on the train, I read my book and the fifty-year-old woman next to me played her DS. It is very popular for the middle aged and old to have these things to play brain enhancing games and sudoku and stuff. Thinking back on my day, I realized that I had enjoyed myself, but I truly prefer the Florida version. The weather there really makes it better. Disneyland Paris is nice, but when it’s cold, it just isn’t that great. Disney World in Florida also seems to have a bigger budget, it’s much brighter and more festive. They are both nice, and I’m glad to have a Disney park in my backyard.

Back home I had a package from home with my belt inside! Yeah! Some pink lemonade, donuts, brownie mix, Cheerios, popcorn, and the new iLife! I was happy to get all that.

Oh, I’m still unconnected to the Internet. When I got back in the apartment, it was still flashing orange. Now, three hours later, it is not orange any longer, but green, which is a good sign. But it still won’t connect to either the phone or the Internet, so I’m no better off.

If it still won’t work tomorrow, I guess I‘ll have to call the emergency number from school. So, whenever you read this, take comfort knowing that I have Internet.