Last night, I couldn’t get to sleep. I wasn’t tired at all, but I didn’t have to go anywhere so I wasn’t particularly worried about sleeping in, which was a good thing because I slept in until half past two! I haven’t slept that long since last summer…oh how I long for the green grass, blistering heat, and kitten births.

I intended on going to see Oscar Wilde’s tomb today, I had been intending on doing so for the past week, but the Internet and weather haven’t been cooperating. I was going to get dressed, but looked out the window to see the rain falling and making the streets look slick and shiny. So, I thought, why not just stay inside and be lazy. What’s better than being lazy? Nothing.

I found a website that was probably illegal, but it showed current movies, so I watched the first half of Twilight before I couldn’t do it any longer. I just can’t stand that story either in print or film form. It’s just horrible, morally, and the plot is childish. I can’t believe how many people have been swept up into the madness of the whole saga, I’m proud of Jessica for finally setting her fanaticism aside and seeing the negative aspects of the whole series. I’m not saying that I’m unwilling to cast myself as a vampire and prance along in a meadow for a parody, which I did, last summer with Alison. I’ll post the video here for you to watch…almost 30,000 views! We need a million. How in the world did Chris Crocker get over five million for blinking?

Anyway, after I got exceptionally irritated and then humored by Twilight, I went about cleaning the apartment, this place collects dust like no other. I was about attacked by a dust bunny when I pushed aside my coffee table/trunk thing. It was frightening.

Somehow, I managed to get to a place on the Internet offering an ebook about getting cheap airfare. This kind of knowledge is one of my secret pleasures in life…industry secrets, secret words, little tricks. So, I read all about it. I wanted to see how much it would be with taxes and such, so, I clicked buy now. It wanted to use my PayPal account, so I said alright, knowing full well that I could cancel the order from the PayPal page. There was over four dollars of taxes, so, I said not today and clicked out of the page, but the Internet froze. Irritated, I began to click at everything at random, and finally after a few minutes the page reloaded telling me, “Congratulations on your purchase!” Crap, I muttered, I must have hit the proceed button when I was doing my frenzied clicking.

So, I bought myself a book, it was very interesting, I think there are lots of little tricks I will be using on upcoming trips…hopefully, it’ll pay for itself, since I didn’t want to pay for it!

I made myself some dinner (the usual fare I’ve been subsisting off of, chicken breast and cheese filled pasta) and sat myself down to finish watching Twilight, knowing full well that eating all these carbohydrates wouldn’t put an ounce on me…I can’t help but vomiting at Twilight and all of it’s sickening mediocrity. I clicked play, and, nothing happened. A sickening feeling in my stomach, worse than anything caused by a Stephenie Meyer book, blossomed as I realized that I had no Internet.

The magic spell that I had been living under had been broken….I was again adrift in a sea of insanity. My phone worked now, though. That is so stupid.

I was so mad that I just paced around the apartment for awhile before finally deciding to watch The Mummy 3 on my couch bed. I couldn’t find the strength within myself to open my bedroom doors. It was a good movie, but even it’s delightful cheesiness couldn’t raise me out of my depression, so, I just fell asleep, dreaming bizarre dreams of being on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson in a sketch about The Price is Right, and one about going on a field trip with complete strangers who were sitting in my lawn back home. They both made sense at the time, but not now, they don’t.