I know you’re all pissed at me because I’ve kept you waiting for months and months to hear about my trip to Disney World. I posted a summary of my expedition on the Wild Africa Trek (one of the greatest things I’ve written, in my opinion, I was greatly influenced by Diana Vreeland’s writing style), but I’ve left out all the other details. Tragically, most of them are gone from my mind, so I’m going to comment on pictures from the trip. There are a lot of me. You’re welcome.
I had gin and tonic on the plane while I watched the new episodes ofAbsolutely Fabulous over again and pretended that I was Patsy. I do this more often then I’ll admit. Cheers, sweetie.
The very first thing we did when we landed in Orlando was head to the Waffle House–mainly because if we didn’t Jessica would throw a shitstorm unlike any seen in modern memory. She really isn’t aware of how crazy she can be. Waffle House was good, always is, I had a chocolate chip waffle, because I’m health conscious. HA!
We had to look our best for the safari. Ok, let’s get it over with–the mustache. It looked much better in person! Honestly, it did. At least to me. In pictures, I’ll admit it’s bad and very 70s porn star. Not the worst thing to be, but not for me.
We stayed at Port Orleans for a night. The rooms were kind of crappy, but the grounds were beautiful. Here I am pretending I’m Scarlett O’Hara transported into The Sound of Music in some odd kind of mashup. Jessica’s there, too. Good thing we didn’t fall it. We were worried for her, especially.
I don’t look a bit like him. I still hold firmly that my real father is in the Monacan Royal Family. I look more like a Grimaldi. I act like them, too. Ex: “In 2001, Stéphanie [Grimaldi] began a relationship with married elephant trainer Franco Knie and moved, along with her three children, into Knie’s circus caravan. However, that relationship came to an end in 2002, and Stéphanie and her family returned to Monaco. On 10 September 2003, Stéphanie married Portuguese acrobat, Adans Lopez Perez,a member of Knie’s circus ensemble.” I’d do that. I’d also look very regal.
Let’s all take a moment to admire my bizarrely rapidly developing chest hair. I used to have seven. I’d counted them a number of times. Is this something to do with my vegetarian diet or the copious amounts of self tanner I use? Either way, I’m amused. I have even more now.
This ensemble was all kinds of wrong. When I’m on Fashion Police, finally(!), I’ll bring this as my fashion disaster. Then again, I’ve done worse, but not on film. This was at the Babycakes bakery branch that opened in Downtown Disney. Cute-ish.
On each ride we went on, I sat like this the entire time. J’adore Very Mary Kate.