Faux Tumblr: Installment 11

I still don’t have a Tumblr, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t spend at least an hour each day scrawling through different Tumblrs that I enjoy. Tumblr is like a drug that I watch other people fall victim to, while still enjoying the side effects. That doesn’t really make sense. I just like pictures. This edition is one of my favorites so far!

Naps are the most important thing in the entire world. Life is annoying since we have to wake up at ungodly hours — Jesus wouldn’t be up at five, let’s get real — only to go to work and come home exhausted, so we nap when we should be having a life. Le sigh. I highly recommend naps or a better schedule. I’d be the happiest man in the world if I got to go to work at noon.

Preach, Grumpy! Toontown is an abomination! When I was at Disneyland this summer, I walked right past. I wanted to throw confetti in the air when they announced that it was closing at Disney World. Stupid, stupid place. But, you want to know what’s even more stupid? (Of course you do.) People are shouting that Grumpy Cat is abused by all the publicity she’s getting. F**K YOU, WHINING BITCHES! Grumpy’s life is better than all of ours.

I relate with this 100%. My sister puts sugar and milk in her tea. I watch this with extreme consternation. Tea and dairy just don’t go together. You know what else doesn’t go in tea? Sugar. Sugar is gross in tea. The only thing I’ll put in my tea is lemon, but never in a citrus tea, that’s stupid.

Liam is not my favorite One Direction member. You want to know the order? (Of course you do!) 1. Zayn (duh!), 2. Harry (duh!), 3. Louis (look at him these days, #swoon) 4./5. a tossup betwixt Liam and Niall. Liam seems whiny and Niall doesn’t have the sex appeal. But, Liam is looking excellent here. How many times have you rewatched the GIF? Hundreds? Good on you.

I miss Amanda Bynes so much. I believe she is being kept in captivity for research like some kind of animal. I’m worried for her. She hasn’t insulted anybody on Twitter in ages. Are there any “FREE AMANDA” shirts? I’ll take one for Christmas.

Me, when I think to myself, “I’m going to workout when I get home.”

Me, when the pictures I post later on appeared on the Internet. Get ready for it. Is your body ready? It’s not ready. Trust.

Good advice. I recently discovered that grapefruit juice tastes amazing with gin, and it tastes wondrous with bourbon, and it’s alight with vodka. Try all three!

Me, when yet another person compliments my beauty.

This will be me when I have a child. I’ll teach him/her that Beyoncé is truly a deity.

Umm, literally me.

Still me. Why wasn’t I put into pageants as a child?

Me, when I finally wake up each morning. I love the Internet so much. Like, it’s ridiculous.

One of my favorite images on the entire Internet. I need a poster version of this and a tshirt version and a wallpaper version. PLASTER IT ALL UP IN THIS BITCH. I’m a master procrastinator. I’ll procrastinate until the end of time. Always put off to tomorrow what you can do today.

Me, whenever I go to the airports and see how the peasants dress.

I say this every day, often with Jessica. Kath & Kim is one of the best shows in the world.

GIFs like this are why I love the Internet. I freaking love raccoons. They’re the best. I recently saw my little family of raccoons that live in my maple tree. They’re so freaking cute!