Monday:

Why don’t you buy first edition copies of all your favorite books? I recently ordered a first edition of Blackwood Farm and one of the first American printings of The Bell Jar. Could not be more thrilled! They will look so handsome in my library.

Tuesday:

Why don’t you pick a theme for all of your holiday shopping this year? It will make it much simpler because you will only have to go to one or two shops and it will make you look so clever — even though it was really quite lazy. My friend is doing all book gifts this year; genius! Maybe do all food or all shoes or all anything.

Wednesday:

Why don’t you pick an unexpected country and start daydreaming about a move there. Were I to move to a foreign locale, it’d be either England or France, but in my new daydreams, it’s Uruguay. It’d be marvelous. I’d have an elegant apartment in the old part of Montevideo, drink maté, and learn much better Spanish.

Thursday:

Why don’t you all telephone the Drake Hotel in Chicago and bombard them with requests for a table for me? Each time I go to the Windy City, the Palm Court is always booked up. Madness! I JUST WANT A TABLE FOR TEA! How can there be so many people in town for tea? I don’t understand.

Friday:

Why don’t you donate all of your dishes and cups to charity and buy a nice, high quality setting for four? You don’t need anything else unless you have a large family or entertain regularly. My cupboards are a jumble and I find I’m always reaching for the same pieces. You don’t need much. Remember my maxim? MAKE YOUR HOME A VACATION HOME.