Holla Flock!

I have an absolutely thrilling announcement to make tonight. I’m so excited that I can’t bring myself to say it just yet. Let’s play a delightful game and see if you can guess!

CLUE 1: it involves something I adore!

CLUE 2: it involves a skill I want but don’t have!

CLUE 3: it involves me being broadcast into your home!

CLUE 4: it has made my vegetarian heart leap for you!

CLUE 5:

YES! Yes, your beloved reverend is making a glorious return to HOLLYWOOD! I shall arrive at LAX with my dreams and my cardigan. I’ll look to the right and I’ll see the Hollywood sign — this is all so crazy! Everybody will look so famous!

My mother and I will be attending a taping of Dancing With the Stars — a show that everybody seems to adore. I’ve never really watched it, but I enjoy shirtless dancers and fancy footwork. I’ve always wanted to dance like my good friend, Beyoncé. Maybe the hour I spend in the audience will completely change my life. Maybe I’ll become a professional dancer. I know with complete certainty that I’m not a dancer and never will be the greatest on my feet, but I like the idea of being able to bust out a move. Dancers were the one of my first inspirations to lose weight back when I was fat. I went to a Britney Spears concert right after high school and I was so terribly impressed that bodies could be so fit and do such beautiful things — so I lost a bunch of weight. I never could dance, but that’s not really the point, I suppose.

We’re going to have a lovely time, I know — mainly because I will have my old apartment again and the Veggie Grill is a two minute walk out the front door. I’ll see my old lady at the Jewish bakery and I’ll go to lunch at the Chateau Marmont! It’s going to be fabulous.

All this was rather unexpected, one of the more spontaneous moments of my life, which brings me to the crux of my sermon. I’ve long felt that it was true, but the older I get the more sure I become: spontaneity is the most important thing in the world. Perhaps this isn’t true in everybody’s life, but it’s certainly true in mine. If I didn’t take myself out on unexpected adventures once in awhile, I know that I would absolutely lose my mind. I wouldn’t have any reason to carry on with my life. I don’t mean to sound melodramatic — of course I do, though — but there is such a rush you get from traveling someplace new or someplace with little planning.

So, as your beloved reverend, I suggest you get on Expedia this very minute and book a trip to any damn place you want. Jet off to Puerto Rico. Take the train to New Orleans. Fly to Montreal. Buenos Aires is lovely this time of year, I’m sure. I’ve not been, yet, so I can’t say with any authority. If you don’t surprise yourself, how do you think you’ll ever have any fun?

You don’t have to exclusively travel to be spontaneous. You can buy yourself a trinket on a whim. Order a shirt you’ve always wanted off the Internet. Treat yourself to a pile of new books. Do something ridiculous and make yourself happy. If you can’t afford it — oh well! Never forget that you’ll die. Have a good time while you’re here.

That’s all from me this week.