I do hope you enjoyed all of my travel posts. They’re my absolute favorite thing to write and I hope to do loads more of them in the future. You’re getting one later this week or early next week, by the way! I’m off to Chicago to see my future husband, Harry Styles, with my other future husband, Zayn Malik, and the other ones. It’ll be a good time. Jessica and I are staying at my favorite hotel in the Midwest, THE DRAKE. Hopefully we’ll be able to have dinner at Giuliana Rancic’s place. Maybe I can persuade Jessica to go to the highest bar in town? That was rather amusing when I went there last time.

Anyway, it’s time to return to my regularly scheduled posts! This Diana Vreeland inspired series has always been my favorite, so I’m delighted to get back to it, though I may be tweaking it a bit in the future. More on that later. Here we go:

Monday:

Why don’t you get yourself ready for autumn and stock up on gorgeous sweaters? You can go to the mall or to the shops or have even more fun and shop from bed. I really want to start dying sweaters of my own. I’ve some lovely ideas and maybe Martha Stewart will see them and hire me and become my best friend. It might happen. Why wouldn’t it?

Tuesday:

Why don’t you get a hold on your spending and pay off your debts? I was spiraling out of control for some time, but I think I’ve steadied the reins for a while. My life shall not be as opulent as it has been until the spring, but alas, c’est la vie.

Wednesday:

Why don’t you hire a maid or a neighbor to come into your house each morning, fix tea, and bring it to you in bed? I don’t think a person should have to take care of themselves in the morning. It’s very passé to wake up to an alarm, stumble down your stairs, brew your own tea or coffee, make your own bed, and wash your own dishes. Hire it out! (By the way, if this isn’t already an actual business, don’t steal my idea.)

Thursday:

Why don’t you open a new bank account and save up money for a down payment on a vacation home? I think everybody should have a place all their own to escape to. I don’t, and it drives me insane. The rentals I pay for are nice, but they’re not mine. I want a place with my own linens and my own art and my own poorly tuned piano. Someday it’ll happen. Someday I’ll have my Victorian brick house on the Mississippi. I can’t wait.

Friday:

Why don’t you think back and remember a time you felt your healthiest and then make an effort to return to that wonderful time? Yesterday, after eating half a cake and eight cookies, I realized that I wasn’t as svelte as I once was. Thank Beysus I’m not obese, but I need to get myself back in shape. Dieting and exercise is no fun, but we all need it, even if we’re thin or fat. Ugh. I really don’t want to go to my treadmill.