Why don’t you plan a trip to Hollywood to get some GOOD hair extensions? Because I’m growing out my hair, and I have next to no patience, I am obsessed with the idea of getting some. The idea of it is a bit ghetto, but when done well, they can be so beautiful. If I’m not happy with the length of my locks in July when I’m in Los Angeles, I may well get some fake hair. Why not, you know?


Why don’t you take up an instrument you’ve always wanted to learn? I’ve long had a keen interest in the fiddle. It’s a contradiction in my personality, but I have a great fondness for classic country music and the culture of the Antebellum South. Not the slavery, of course, but for the architecture, music, literature, and penchant for whiskey. So, I think it might be mighty delightful to be able to saw a melody on a fiddle. Take up the piano or trumpet or marimba, whatever floats your boat.

Why don’t you bring back powdered wigs like the founding fathers used to wear? It’s so terribly chic to have white hair like George Washington…or Karl Lagerfeld. Having perfectly grey hair is one of the things I look forward to most as an elderly person. I don’t really mind getting older, but I will not accept the wrinkles. I think I might start a savings account for my eventual Botox treatments. In the mean time, a powdered wig will look ever so elegant.


Why don’t you teach yourself lithography? It’s such a fascinating art form with all the acid baths and inks and grease pens. I don’t understand how anybody ever came up with the process of drawing on limestone and then dousing it with chemicals, but I’m glad they did. In addition, I finally enjoyed one of my art appreciation classes, so my mind is a little blown.


Why don’t you spend a few hours on the Saint Laurent website imagining yourself in all the beautiful clothes and sobbing into a flute of champagne? Yesterday, in the midst of a depressive funk, I looked at shoes and shirts. I didn’t feel any better about my misery, but I enjoyed knowing that there was a little beauty left in the world. I also found out that there is a Saint Laurent shop in DC…so…

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