I have written a hundred of these posts now. They’re never very popular, and I can understand you readers not wanting to hear an endless rant. And they can be endless, I know. I’ve decided to revamp this a little bit to make it shorter and more pleasant. I am going to refrain from spending so much time writing about what I hate and just doing five or six posts about new experiences, items, and other things I’m enjoying. It’ll be more pleasant for us all, I think. Negativity is a delight, of course, at the right time, but it can be overbearing. I’ll try to keep it light and a bit shorter.

LOVE:

Zenni Optical:

A couple years ago, I gave up on the online glasses market. I had purchased several dozen pairs that I wear in a constant rotation, but I was sincerely disappointed with the vision I received from the Warby Parker pair. They are the most attractive frames I own, but everything is blurry. It could be my own fault, I suppose, but I’ve triple checked the prescription that I gave them, and everything is in order. I have grown fatigued of living in a haze, so I finally forced myself to order a pair from Zenni Optical. I bought the best lenses and impatiently waited. When they finally arrived, after sending a hilarious email discussing the whereabouts of my package (still giggling), I put them on and could hardly believe how clear the world around me became. It’s astonishing how accustomed I had become to poor vision. I feel truly blessed to be able to see again. I need to do a few adjustments to the pair (the only true downside of ordering glasses online), but they are very nice otherwise.

I’m not completely thrilled aesthetically, but I CAN SEE! Give this site a try, reader, everything is wonderfully affordable.

Dame Edna “Liking” Me:

I’ve known and appreciated Dame Edna for years, but I’ve never really done anything with her beyond acknowledge her existence. What a fool I’ve been all these years! She’s a glorious confection and after seeing her on The Great British Bake Off with Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley (my queens), I fell under her charm. She’s fabulous. I tweeted that I wanted to be like her when I grow up. I mean it, too. I love purple hair, outrageous glasses, possums, and being the belle of the ball. Weeks went by, but the other morning I woke up to a notification on my iPhone. Dame Edna had favorited my tweet. Let me repeat that: DAME EDNA FAVORITED MY TWEET. She actually favorited two of them. GUYS! Dame Edna likes me. I feel truly #blessed. I feel #alive. Just think, though. Dame Edna actually looked at my Twitter and went to the effort of telling me how much she appreciated me. I AM LOSING IT. Dame Edna is everything. Watch this clip:

LIP READERS! I’ve been laughing for days.

Anyway, can you imagine Dame Edna sitting in front of a computer, smiling graciously, and clicking the little star next to my name? I can. This is wonderful. Last night, I stayed up late watching clips of her on YouTube, and I posted that I was doing so. She liked that on Twitter, too; Dame Edna approves of my nocturnal habits in her celebration. I hate that I can’t go to her farewell tour. It’s in California right now and in DC in a month. Why, oh cruel fate, why?

Spring’s Leisurely Arrival:

I have been in an extraordinarily good mood since the end of February. I can feel Spring in the air. I can sense it coming. Mind you, it isn’t coming too quickly, but it’s on the way, and I could not be more thrilled. Next week there is the chance of the temperature being in the 50s and 60s. I will cry. I will cry real tears, reader. It’s been another long season of cold, and I shan’t miss it. Soon the crocuses will bloom across the street in the house that was supposed to be mine, and I’ll glare moodily at the new neighbors. Then the trees will bud, and the irises will start stretching out of the soil, and the grass will green, and my pool will thaw, and I’ll plant my salad garden, and everything in life will be wonderful again. When spring is here, summer can’t be far, and that means cocktails in the vineyard, and there is nothing that makes my life better than a whiskey sour whilst tanning. Hurry up, warm weather!

Shopping For Clothes and Feeling Great:

I haven’t gone shopping in what feels like eighty-four years. Well, I haven’t gone shopping for clothes since last May before jetting off to Europe. I’ve been wearing the same things in a constant rotation, and I was sick to death of it. If I had to wear the same damn pants one more time, I thought I would scream and drop dead. The other afternoon, my sister and I went to Jordan Creek and I just had the best time. I spent a bit too much money and somehow found myself with a Gap credit card, but it was delightful. I found a pair of pants that fit perfectly and it is just so comforting to find something that doesn’t make you feel like a clothed whale. I bought everything at the Gap actually. This was me:

I was going to get a few things at American Eagle, but I haven’t been there in years, and I about vomited whilst walking amongst their offerings. That is certainly not who I am anymore. Thank Buddha. I poked my nose in Tommy Hilfiger, but I don’t identify as a spoiled East Coast child who owns a yacht nowadays. My new fashion personality is Parisian waif who is a world traveler/Saint Laurent mannequin. Oddly enough, the Gap did that for me. I felt so happy. I need to go shopping more often, I think. It’s so good for your health.

Writing Compliments:

I think it is vulgar to share compliments you receive, so I’m going to do that right now. I’m a great believer in vulgarity, after all. One of my favorite past times, as I’ve no doubt you’ve noticed, is writing. I do it endlessly every day. I’m always scribbling away at one project or the other. I feel as if I have plenty of practice and that my writing is good, so it is always nice to hear. I don’t mean from friends or family, either. Those are comforting words, but they are muddled by the fact that your reviewer knows who you are and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. It’s so much nicer when a stranger compliments you. Last night I received a grade on one of my works for my Children’s Literature class — top marks, mind you — and the professor left me the kindest little note complimenting my writing. It touched my bitter old heart and rather inspired me to continue on with this pursuit. Somedays it feels foolhardy to write and write when there isn’t much response, but then there are wonderful times like yesterday. It’s nice to be good at something.