Monday:

Why don’t you plan a formal garden in your yard? Even if you have a small lot you can plant a few boxwoods and set up a fountain. I have a space I have dreamed about for years. It’s a hideous mess that used to be a chicken yard. It’s covered in mulberry trees and weeds and waste, but I’m going to clear it out and make it a peaceful enclosed garden. It’s surrounded by pine trees, which I hate, but they add a certain mystery. Kind of like the barren landscape outside of Athens. It’ll take months, probably years to get everything settled, but I can’t wait to sit next to my fountain, listen to the water babble, smell the herbs on the warm breeze, and daydream about being an English aristocrat while sipping a cocktail. Marry me, Prince Harry. Please.

Tuesday:

Why don’t you look up the obituaries to your ancestors? I recently read the one about my great-great-great something grandmother and I could have wept bitter tears. She died in the house that I lived in, so I have always felt a connection to her since I still think she wanders the halls of my home. In the obituary, the newspaper says:

The Jessen family have figured prominently in the advancement of the community. They have been prosperous and looked upon as one of the county’s most substantial families.

Sad how times change, but I assume I inherited my regal demeanor from this long dead relatives.

Wednesday:

Why don’t you go to the Home Depot and go on a spending spree? I’ve suggested this a hundred times, I think, but I’m doing it again. It’ll be so marvelous to buy gallons of paint, rolls of wallpaper, and outdoor dining set, an electric fireplace, and a chandelier. Think how attractive you could make your dining room with glossy turquoise paint and a new rug. Think how delightful your kitchen might be with a brand new faucet. Update all of your switch plates and outlet covers. Do anything, but do go shopping!

Thursday:

Why don’t you start taking Italian lessons so that you can visit the remodeled Museo Egizio in Turin, and then sit in a café like a local whilst thinking of mummies? I nearly lost my mind — I did lose my mind — when I read that the famed museum of Egyptology in Turin was finally finished with their extensive remodel. It’s been on my travel agenda for decades, but I’ve put it off until they were finished. THEY’RE DONE. I’VE GOT TO GO! I WILL GET THERE SOMEHOW! So, last night I frantically began studying Italian. I don’t think I’ll be fluent anytime soon, but learning a few new phrases in a foreign language is exceptionally helpful. Learn, reader! CIAO!

Friday:

Why don’t you visit one of the famed fragrance factories (like Fragonard in Èze) in the south of France to develop a custom cologne or perfume? It’s great fun to tell people you’re wearing Chanel Pour Monsieur, but isn’t it nicer to wear a scent that was designed just for you by one of the great noses of the industry? Of course it is. Be chic, reader.