Monday:

Why don’t you start a new morning ritual to help inspire you to get out of your damned bed in the morning? Now that I have a car and I drive to work according to my own schedule, I’ve become awful about sleeping in. The painkillers I’m on haven’t helped… So, I have started setting out a frozen croissant each night to bake in the morning. If I want to enjoy that delicious pastry, I have to get up in time to bake it. This trick has worked remarkably well so far! (But it’s only been two days. I have hope.)

Tuesday:

Why don’t you throw away all of your cookware and buy a few quality pieces? I have had the same junky Pampered Chef crap for over a decade. It works well, but looks pretty rough. I want everything to be beautiful, so I’m on the hunt for some new pieces. I found a ceramic skillet at Walmart that I really like. Maybe I’ll get all ceramic? It’s not terribly expensive. Or maybe I’ll go to the restaurant supply store and get some professional stuff. I just need something new.

Wednesday:

Why don’t you set out two or three trash bags on your table or counter before you leave for work, so that they guilt you into throwing things away when you get home? Yesterday afternoon, I spent an hour cleaning my basement steps. I sincerely don’t know what the hell any of that garbage was or where it came from. I know that I don’t need potting soil from 1994. Now I can walk downstairs to do my laundry without tripping over boots and an old coat. I am blessed. Clean, reader.

Thursday:

Why don’t you get rid of your shirts that you have worn and washed a hundred times? I write about clothes a lot, but fashion is quite important to me. I like to look good. It makes me feel better about myself and makes the world worth going out into. I have always lived by the Joan Crawford, “I never go outside unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star.” Glorious woman. This is all to say that I have a lot sweaters from high school, but after a million spins through the washer and dryer, they’ve shrunk and have started to look bad. Like cling film on my skinny-fat body. (That’s a real thing.) I need to get rid of them. I just want to buy a new, minimalist wardrobe. I will do that soon. Five black pants, five floral shirts, quality t-shirts, denim tops in every shade, and some gorgeous cardigans. What more do you need?

Friday:

Why don’t you go to Fleet Farm and buy literally everything? We’ve had one here in Iowa for a couple years, but I hadn’t made the jaunt out there until today. It is a highlight every time I go to Wisconsin. I bought the best slim profile wall heater years ago, but it’s gone on the fritz. I meant to buy one today when I finally went to the shop near me, but I was too overwhelmed by the aisle of moth balls and cast iron to remember. They have everything there. I even found a magazine about King Tut. Why? I don’t care. Fleet Farm is life.