Why Don’t You? #107

I am so obsessed with this picture. I want it in a huge gilded frame.

I am so obsessed with this picture. I want it in a huge gilded frame.


Why don’t you set yourself up an emergency “treat yo self” fund? I didn’t do this intentionally, but I had an extra savings account handy for a week of desperation. It was money I had siphoned off to go and visit the Dubuque monks and connect with nature for a week. I discovered though, that I might not need that excursion at all, so in the throes of terror at having a brain tumor and then discovering I probably have multiple sclerosis, I spent every last dime. It didn’t help cure me, but I did feel good living it up for a few days. Save some money to blow, reader. It helps.


Why don’t you go to the doctor if you aren’t feeling your best? Before last week, I never would have offered this advice. I would have said, “Chin up. If you don’t think you’re sick, you won’t be.” Then I would have mentioned yoga. And, to be totally honest, that worked fabulously well for me for nearly twenty-seven years. This year, though…nope. My leg and eye trouble bothered me so much that I bit the bullet and saw a slew of physicians. Like I said, I might have multiple sclerosis. Ugh. So, readers, go to the doctor and let them poke you anyway they think best. You can’t always heal yourself.


Why don’t you pick up a new unsavory hobby? If you’ve always wanted to smoke, give it a try! If you want to start going to the casinos and playing penny slots, go for it. Do you, reader! I have started swearing like a seasoned sailor. I curse all the damn time, and it’s peculiar how nice it makes me feel. Yesterday, I attempted to run and cried a bit while listening to Beyoncé music, and then I used swear words in every language I’ve ever known. It was cathartic. (Thank god Mr. Gab in Cairo taught me all that dirty Arabic slang.) Give it a try!


Why don’t you find out what vitamins you need? I took a multivitamin for a couple months one time, but then I ran out, and I really couldn’t be bothered. It made my urine electric yellow, and that was amusing, but hardly worth the $20 it cost for the bottle. My neurologist (do you have one of those?) recently told me to start taking Vitamin D3, so I take a massive dosage of it each day. I’ve always assumed I’m deficient in that vitamin anyway, since I crave the sun like a drug and become deeply depressed in the winter months. So, maybe this will do me a world of good? Who knows, but I still had fun at GNC. You can get anything there.


Why don’t you fill up a room with only blue? It will take you ages to get the right blend of blues, but someday you will manage the perfect mixture of rich navy, playful cerulean, and regal royals. Then you will live in opulence. Other than white and gray and black and gold and copper and bronze, I can’t think of a color that is more sumptuous than blue. Spend the rest of your life collecting beautiful blue Chinese vases, buy ruined antiques and paint them glossy blue. Put it all together and live your best life in blue.

5 responses to “Why Don’t You? #107

  1. Ben,
    I have been reading your blog for quite awhile now. I am so sorry for your health issues. I was diagnosed by Dr. Hughes in July of 2014 with PPMS. It was both a relief and a shock. Don’t give in to the worry yet until you know for sure. Yoga is a great idea as it helps with keeping muscles flexible. Vitamin D3 is a great help. Vitamin B12 helps with fatigue. Make notes of any new symptoms so you can share them with your doctor no matter how small or embarrassing they may be. I will be praying for you. Stay strong and fight what ever this is with all you have.
    April Leber

    • April,
      Thanks so much for the advice and for the thoughts. I really appreciate it. I’m in a much better mental state now than I was earlier when I wrote this, thankfully! I’m looking into all kinds of information about vitamins and have learned a great deal. My diagnosis still hasn’t been confirmed, so I’m still a bit paranoid!

  2. HI Ben,
    I found out 7 years ago that I had a brain tumor, I believe I was fortunate in noticing the signs-my vision was affected, and going to get checked out until we found the dang thing. Very scary but we have amazing doctors who can do miraculous things. I did have the tumor removed and am living a normal life thank God and Beyonce! My biggest issues these days is my thyroid that needs to be medicated and if the dosage is off it really messes me up. I will be praying for you Ben that everything works out well for you! take care!

    • Thanks for sharing your story with me, Audra. That is so frightening. I was so glad my MRI didn’t show signs of a brain tumor. Thinking I had one of those terrified me. My doctors are leaning towards multiple sclerosis or a major vitamin deficiency that caused neurological damage. Hoping to hear more answers soon. I’ll send Beyoncé some positive thoughts for the both of us!!!

      • Hi Ben – yes seeing the MRI with a golf-ball sized tumor located in the center of my head was damn frightening :/ At the time my daughter was just 3 years old and she is what kept me sane. Surgery was almost in-and-out and then just 6 weeks to recover, and then right back into life again. I have always been open to talk about it but I shortly discovered it is not a very comfortable topic for most people. Thanks for listening to my ramblings 🙂
        I’m glad you don’t have to face such a frightening surgery procedure – With today’s advances in medications and surgical procedures they are able to help so many people live normal lives.
        All the best to you.

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