Monday:

Why don’t you spend an entire day watching Mexican telenovelas? Did I recommend this before? If so, I need to discuss it again, I cannot stop watching La Reina del Sur. The story of Teresa Mendoza is addicting, and I could not stop myself from watching one episode after another and another. It’s such a good story, even if it’s over-the-top, but there’s something utterly compelling about it. I can’t wait to get home and ignore my responsibilities and keep watching. 

Tuesday:

Why don’t you buy a ridiculous skincare product online and see if it changes everything? I ordered something that was made with snail extract. I don’t even know what that means, but the idea of slathering myself with a snail byproduct was so disgusting and so luxurious that I couldn’t resist. It arrived yesterday and I slathered it on after my serum ritual and when I woke up, I could hardly believe how smooth my skin felt. I can’t wait to see just how luxurious I become. Thanks, snails!

Wednesday:

Why don’t you start an absolutely unhealthy but fabulous new diet? The other day when I was at the pharmacy getting another round of medicine to rid myself of a cold that won’t go away, I saw an interesting pill. I did research on Glucomannan as I waited and threw it in my cart.  It’s a pill made of some vegetable that expands like a million times when it gets wet. You take two or three a half hour before a meal and it makes you feel full. And it does. And I was over the top and had two capsules instead of a lunch, and honestly, I was fine. What a wonderful product! I’m going to be so thin!

Thursday:

Why don’t you give into spring fever and buy hundreds of dollars worth of seeds and bulbs and fertilizer and string lights and gorgeous faux concrete planters and then inevitably do nothing with them? I have always longed to have a beautiful garden, and I buy enough that I should, and I even have something of a green thumb, but I hate weeding and the bugs and dirt under my nails. I have a box veritably exploding with seed packets in my garden shed. Not sure if I’ll do a garden this year since I’ll be in Mexico all summer. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe I will bake the garden plots with black plastic to kill off the weeds and try again next year. 

Friday:

Why don’t you write a letter to Dolly Parton telling her how important her 1978 album “Heartbreaker” is? I can’t get enough of disco Dolly. There’s nothing quite so satisfying as the remix of her iconic song “Baby I’m Burnin’.” I can’t get over it. It’s my alarm. It’s my everything. Dolly needs to know. Listen to the magic yourself: