Monday:

Why don’t you try alternative medicine for whatever ails you in the chance that it might work? I mentioned before that I’m having some absolutely awful shoulder pain, and nothing is fixing it. Well, martinis and pills help, but that’s hardly a viable solution. So tomorrow I’m getting acupuncture and I absolutely cannot wait! I’ve been fascinated by the practice for ages, but never felt I had reason to go. Now that my body is falling apart, I get to explore all these new ideas. I suppose that’s some kind of silver lining. 

Tuesday:

Why don’t you write down all the strange stories of your life before you lose them forever? I recently learned somebody I didn’t know all that well passed away, but the odd and profound impact she made on my life has strongly affected me. She and I shared one bizarre evening together — and it is not what you think, this involved carnies, a ravine, and a dangerous ukulele — and I have never been able to stop thinking about it. Now that she’s dead, I’m the only one that knows the details. It’s such a strange feeling. Save your memories.

Wednesday:

Why don’t you get a bone conducting hearing aid, commonly called a BAHA? These aren’t cheap and you have to be disabled to qualify, I assume, but I’m getting one because I’m hella deaf. I’m so excited. I had a trial of one and suddenly I could hear people speaking on my left side. I haven’t heard a thing out of my left ear since March. It was a true miracle. And it wasn’t like really hearing, because I was hearing them inside of my head…I can’t explain it. Surgery is next month and I’ll have my hearing aid in January. And it’s gold, guys!

Thursday:

Why don’t you lighten up? Life is very quick but it lasts such a wonderfully long time. You have almost an entire century to amuse yourself in any fashion you prefer, why not have a good time? I know people who are just utterly miserable and some who are bitter and others who are downright mean and just a few that don’t seem to understand happiness. Thankfully I know many other happy folks, but I’m always struck by people who stay in darkness. Life is just too much fun for that!

Friday:

Why don’t you enjoy the first few weeks of sweater weather? You know how much I abhor the chill of winter, but autumn can be lovely for a month or so. It’s rather nice to go outside and not immediately regret wearing clothes of any kind. I’m hot these days way more often than I used to, and it makes me want to lose what little remains of my mind. But now I get the chance to wear my new ‘No Thank You’ sweater and I couldn’t be happier. I think I’m going to wear it to my hearing aid surgery next month. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯