I worship and adore this. I wish I knew who the artist was so that I could buy a print and stash it with my hoard of art. Eventually I’ll have a beautiful apartment painted with crisp white walls and sparsely decorated with a fabulously ornate fireplace. This will be the art for October. 


Why don’t you start a dream journal? In my early 20s, I’d scribble out my dreams each morning with more dedication than I’ve ever shown to anything before in my life. The more I wrote the more I seemed to dream. Then, all of a sudden, I just stopped. I regret that tremendous. Lately, I’ve been having a fascinating series of dreams that take place in a gorgeous house in a desert. What does it mean?? It’s like my dream house in Egypt. I hope I dream of it again soon.


Why don’t you work on one of the major flaws that is holding you back? I’m a horrid perfectionist. I oftentimes find myself avoiding tasks because I feel that I won’t do them perfectly the first time. It’s stupid, but it’s a problem that I’m too aware of. Hopefully my awareness works on fixing it, but I seriously think I should look into therapy. I haven’t started a paper due in two days because I’m worried it won’t be flawless. I don’t get it. I’m honestly an excellent student; it’ll be fine. I just need to stop avoiding it. 


Why don’t you realize that you used to have a banging body and didn’t realize it and now that you’re middle aged and overweight (look, don’t start, in gay years I’m ready to plan my funeral) you can only dream of returning to your glory days? I just saw an absolutely haunting image of myself looking like a snack. Good for me but horrifying in retrospect… I wish Tyra Banks had never given me that damn eating disorder. I can’t blame her personally, I know, but still…


Why don’t you request an absentee ballot if your state allows you to? I have only ever gone to the polls in person once and it was absolutely traumatizing. I had to wait in a line outside of some garage in some town I’m not sure is even incorporated. Ever since I have been practicing my civic duty by absentee voting in bed with a martini whilst I research the candidates. I’m a more informed voter, and because I can do it at home, I never miss an election. For the sake of my sanity, please vote for all the liberal candidates you can. Cheers, thanks a lot.  


Why don’t you plan a weekend trip to enjoy the autumn colors and brisk breezes? Next weekend, Jessica and I are going all the way to Bettendorf, a town along the Mississippi River, to visit the only 7/11 convenience store in the state of Iowa. This is hardly the oddest thing we have ever done. We are also going because there is a Halloween parade that weekend, and there sounds nothing so divine as a spooky, scary parade that will surely not be all that great. I can’t wait!

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