Monday:

Why don’t you pray for me? It’s been announced that my favorite show of all time is returning. La Reina del Sur is coming back for a third season, reader, and I am out of my mind. I’ve lost control of my senses. I thought that nothing good would come of this year, but this announcement has given me strength. It has revitalized me. It has restored my sanity. It has given me purpose. It has made me start looking seriously into one bedroom apartments in Mexico City so that I can watch live. And it’s also brought back one of my wilder ideas. I’m so happy, y’all, like it’s dumb how happy this makes me. I’ve cried at commercials. 

Tuesday:

Why don’t you try out different settings on your dishwasher? I don’t know how I managed to turn it on, but I somehow ran the rapid cycle on my dishwasher. I was disgusted with myself because I was sure it wouldn’t work. However, I am still shaken by how clean my dishes are. It took no time, reader, and they are SPARKLING! This, admittedly, isn’t one of the more gobsmacking things I’ve shared with you, but let me tell you, it’s changed my life in a palpable way. I can cook so much more now with less mess. GOD BLESS THIS MESS. TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED. 

Wednesday:

Why don’t you get eight purrr-fect kittens and watch them play every night in the hour before sunset? It’s been a long time since I’ve had a whole herd of kittens on the farm, and reader, having them has revitalized me. Gimlet and Rebel love to wrestle each other. Cosmic Creepers leaps out from behind the banana plants. Big Grey runs up a tree. Sprinter sprints. It’s all so cute, and in the golden light of sunset, it’s stupidly bucolic and cinematic and it’s a ritual for me every night now. Get kittens. And if you need a laugh, there’s nothing so joyous as tossing sourdough breadsticks to a kitten for it to attack. I assume any type of breadstick will work.

Thursday:

Why don’t you start learning Latin? I truly don’t know why it isn’t more commonly taught because it is immensely helpful, but that’s a soapbox I’m not hopping up on right now. (Don’t worry!) I’m only three lessons in, and it’s been extraordinary to discover how Latin influenced other languages and how much of it we still use. I truly believed it was a dead language that didn’t matter much. That was immensely foolish of me; Latin is alive and well, we just speak it a little differentLay from how the ancient Romans did. It’s so wonderful to learn. Life can be such fun. 

Friday:

Why don’t you request an absentee ballot and vote for Joe Biden so that this nightmare can finally end??? (It’s funny how you can apply any Trump crisis/action to the word nightmare, and no matter what you said, you’d be right.) I should be lost in a Romanian hayfield right now regretting my choice to go on a long hike carrying a custom scythe that I just picked up from a toolmaker using Romanian I learned on Duolingo, but instead I’ve been sequestered at home for months. It’s been fine. Truly and absolutely, I’m very privileged, but this has to end, y’all. Can you imagine Hillary putting babies in cages or suggesting you bleach yourself or being buddies with more than one dictator? No! Get your ballot, vote for Biden (who you know I’ve met and am fond of), save the country, end the pandemic — WHICH EVERY OTHER NATION WE ALLY OURSELVES WITH HAS DONE — and allow me to reclaim time lost in the idyllic hayfields of Transylvania.