A Word From Reverend Benjamin #6


Holla Flock!

I totally forgot to write to you last week. Sorry. Then, yesterday, I just couldn’t be bothered. I was too busy being one with the Spirit. Napping, you know. But, this morning, I’m ready and eager to address you.

First matter of business, our very own Saint Cher has released her newest testament to the world. You should all go out and download it or stream it or check it out or buy it or whatever it we do now with music. So, open up your hymnals to “I Walk Alone,” and sing along.


Oh, she’s just wonderful, isn’t she. I don’t even know how old she is these days, 90? 75? 40? How can you tell? I don’t think you can. Not important. Cher is immortal.

Speaking of music, next week we’ll be able to discuss the release of our patron saint, Paris Hilton’s new single!


Did you pass out? I did. Sweet Beysus, I cannot wait. (HURRY UP WITH YOUR ALBUM, BEY, WE’RE GETTING IMPATIENT!)

Now, on to the sermon.

I’ve been thinking an awful lot about ancient religions. Just something I do, you know. As I’ve researched, I’ve become rather enamored of their focus on nature. Nature is still all powerful and if not respected, can be vengeful. Remember global warming? I think it’s rather fabulous that they worship the sun and the moon and the stars and certain plants because these are religious deities that can be seen by anybody, making it quite an open theology.

Modern religions are nothing like that, you’re forced to believe in things you can’t see or rationalize. You have to accept certain truths that can’t be. You have to turn a blind eye to the excess and hypocrisy of those in charge of your religion. Not so much with a pagan belief system, and I think it’d be marvelous if we could incorporate that back into our lives. I’m not saying to go out and worship a goat, but why not?

My favorite aspect is sun worship, which I totally understand and totally do. The sun is a marvel. It is the creator of all life as we know it. It’s a scientific fact that nothing can exist without the sun. It’s rays of light allowed whatever chemical processes to happen that spawned us from the primordial soup. It let things grow. It’s so divine that plants can soak up this light and produce food for us to eat. Just think on that. We are eating sunlight. Isn’t that perfect?

I think back on the ancient Egyptians who had it so right with their religions. Ra would sail across the sky in his solar boat, which was the sun, bringing light and prosperity to the people. Akhenaton, the heretical pharaoh, and Tutankhamun’s supposed father, got this idea even more right when he decided to switch all religion over to the singular god, the Aten. All worship went to the sun disk and all its life giving rays.

aten_ankh_hands2Look how the Aten reaches down to embrace us. Marvelous. I’d have totally worshipped this new god. It makes sense.

So, as the days begin to grow shorter and quickly colder, I begin to appreciate the little sunlight I can soak up each day. I no longer have the opportunity to bask in my speedo out in the vineyard, developing a magnificent tan, but I can still get out and enjoy a brisk walk if I’m lucky. It won’t be long until the bleak days of winter. Let’s not think on that. Let’s instead sing another song.

Open your hymnals to “Sirens.”

Magnificent. Now go off and be good people.


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