A Word From Reverend Benjamin #7


Holla Flock!

I know that I’m awfully late writing to you this week, but I’ve been dealing with the immense spiritual knowledge that our patron saint, Paris Hilton, gave us this week with the release of her new single entitled “Good Time.” And, oh flock, is it ever a good time! I can’t wait to get straight into this week’s sermon! Raise up on your stiletto-clad feet and open up your hymnals to “GOOD TIME.” SING!


Oh, was it not everything you’ve been wanting out of life? And so deep and profound, too! For this week’s sermon, I thought it would be most prudent to interpret the messages found in the song for you. Paris, like any good deity, does not deliver her divinely inspired proclamations point blank, they are cleverly enshrouded in metaphor. Let’s get started! [Song lyrics in italics!]

“Oh I love it”

Here at the very beginning, Paris is referencing her classic catchphrase, “Loves it, bitch!” I still use this regularly. In acknowledging her past, she is making a clear departure from her old self and into her new role as a significant religious icon.

“Are you having a good time
Cause I’m having a good time
And I might be a bit tipsy
But that’s okay ’cause you’re with me”

Here, Paris is revealing to us that the real meaning of life is to find pleasure in all of our endeavors. We must do our best to emulate divine figures, you know? People nail themselves up onto crosses with alarming regularity. Paris doesn’t want us to do anything as ridiculous as that, she just wants to lead us to a good time with her example.

Also, she is clearly letting us know that the act of communion will live on and prosper in her new religion. No little shots of cheap wine, though, we’re going to be drinking so much that we’re tipsy. Once tipsy and in an altered state of consciousness, we will be more apt to commune with the Other Side.

“Are you having a good time
Cause I’m having a good time
And I might be a bit tipsy
But that’s okay ’cause you’re with me”

The prior message is reinforced. DRINK.

“I came here just to party
All this don’t you hate on me, yeah
Got my sexy girls with me
Oh, I love it”

Saint Paris is giving us so much here. Life, it turns out, is not a miserable grind to death, but rather a nonstop party. She came to earth just to party. Don’t get mad at her or at any of us because we don’t believe in living dull, traditional lives of stale careers and ugly people. Goodness no! We are to have the best time possible and do so in the company of attractive people. We all feel better around pretty people.

This, then, is also Paris’ first condemnation. She doesn’t expressly say that the ugly people are supposed to be herded off to uninteresting places like central Russia…but she didn’t say that we were supposed to let them intermingle with us either. So, obviously this missive of Paris’ was a declaration to get rid of them. Go work on this, flock.

“Wo-oh, let’s party
Yeah, let’s party, and have a good time
Wo-oh, let’s party
Yeah, let’s party, and have a good time”

Paris really wants us to understand that we are to party and celebrate, have a good time and be happy. Life is to be a joy.

“There go the paparazzi
I really don’t give a f*ck, who got in my way
‘Cause I came to party rock
Good times are here, and you know they’re here to stay
If you’re not here to party, move and get out of the way”

Here, Paris states that she will not stand for anybody to stop us from having a good time in the party that is a metaphor for our lives. This is so unacceptable to her that she has thrown down cheap and vulgar language. She won’t tolerate this horrific behavior and desire for boredom. Partying is the only means of salvation.

Paris also mentions that the good times are here to stay. Basically she’s throwing down the gauntlet to them bitches that try to stop her reign. Be very wary of going against Saint Paris.

Now, we have an interlude from Lil’ Wayne for some reason. Don’t fight it, just accept it. There are parts of religions that you just can’t understand. This is that part.

“i’m f*cked up, I can’t tell you what’s what
All she know is how to f*ck
I walked up to a big butt, and ask her ass ’bout what
Tunechi never slacks without a button up
I roll the dice and love up
I’m all in, I’m all in
More money more problems,
more money will solve them
It’s YMCMB b*tch
Paris, do you speak French?
I get special treatment
Girl turn over, good defense”

Ok, I don’t really know the spiritual meaning of this rap. I don’t get rap. Is it just random words tossed together? Lil’ Wayne is messed up, probably been getting tipsy as Paris wisely suggested. He also compliments Paris’ carnal abilities, which for some people is rather complimentary. Big backsides are also a sign of a spiritual person, or at least I think? Then we talk about money, which is very important in this religion. Send tithes, flock. YMCMB must be some code for where the Ark of the Covenant is buried. Then, those who speak French get special treatment — thank Beysus.

“We turned down for what
Tomorrow isn’t promised
Tonight is all we got
And times like these are timeless
She f*cked me like she love me
Love is such a science, do you think it’s love?
Thanks for not replying
It’s Paris Hilton, b*tch”

Here, Lil’ Wayne is letting us know that we are still mortal beings even though we are saved of course by our constant partying. We may well die from snorting too much cocaine and drinking too many cosmos at a party at Amanda Bynes house, but we have not partied in vain.

“Lick it, lock it, it’s the last day to party
Don’t just, don’t stop moving
‘Cause we’re having a good time, having a good time”

I can only guess what were licking. I don’t have a clue what we’re locking — but that’s the eternal mystery of religion isn’t it? Phrases don’t always have to make sense for them to be divinely inspired.

“Are you having a good time
Cause I’m having a good time
And I might be a bit tipsy
But that’s okay ’cause you’re with me”


Got it, flock?

No questions, of course, it’s religion.

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